


Confusion leads to Delusion

by CinnamonSecrets



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M, Matchmaking, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 05:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonSecrets/pseuds/CinnamonSecrets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A secret exchange is organized on the Enterprise to celebrate Valentine's Day… however it's well known that on this ship rumors and misunderstandings always get in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confusion leads to Delusion

As he entered Sickbay, Leonard McCoy wondered why in seven hells he was still friends with Jim Kirk. Glancing at the folded piece of paper in his hand, he sighed. Only Jim would make him agree to this stupid 'Secret Valentine' thing. It was bad enough that he was ogling Spock and the only one ignorant of that was Spock himself, but to actually do this to get his feelings out… it made Leonard sick.

Well, what's done is done. He had agreed and now he had to endure all the stupid comments about this. How Jim convinced the entire crew into participate was beyond him. Apparently 'Valentine's day is not just for couples, but also to celebrate friendship. It would help to get to know each other better, and it doesn't have to be romantic, just a nice way to bond; and besides, we've been in space for seven months and we are due a little fun'. The worst thing was that everyone agreed, except him and Spock, but of course Spock would do anything Jim said. He was completely whipped without even knowing it.

He was about to update Jim's chart and add an STD just for putting him through this, when the last person he expected to see walked into Sickbay.

"Good afternoon, Doctor McCoy."

"What do you want?" Leonard asked brusquely. He didn't want to deal with the Vulcan right now. He was pissed.

"Excellent manners as usual," Spock said, lifting an eyebrow. "I was wondering about your selection in the activity the Captain suggested we take part in."

"You mean he ordered us to participate," Leonard said bitterly.

"He did not make an official order. I admit that I find this unappealing, however that could be due to my lack of understanding of human celebrations."

"Well, I'm human and I think it blows." Leonard noticed the questioning glance directed at him. "Shut up! I'm human!"

"I would not say otherwise without solid evidence."

"I don't have time to play sarcasm games with you, what did you say you wanted?" McCoy sighed. This Vulcan was annoying.

"I desire to know your selection in the activity," repeated Spock like he was telling a child.

"You want to know what name I got." Leonard looked at Spock dubiously. "Why do you care who I got?"

"I believe it would be a great opportunity to offer my assistance in giving you 'a way out', as you call it."

"Shoot."

The first time Leonard said this to Spock, the cheeky Vulcan actually shot him with the training laser; it took all of Jim's persuasion and Spock's 'honest apologies' to stop McCoy from injecting him with Andorian Flu.

"If you have the Captain, I would not be opposed to exchanging names with you," explained Spock.

"How does that exactly gets me out of this, Spock? It sounds like you just want to trade names to get Jim." And after hearing himself say that, it clicked. So Spock wanted to give Jim a gift… maybe Jim wasn't that stupid after all.

"I will compromise. I will give you a proper gift for the person I 'trade'; you can continue your glaring and complaining without having to exhaust yourself thinking of a present."

"You don't think I'm capable of giving a decent gift, right?" Leonard spat.

"I would not put it like that, but I do believe that you gave me an enema for Christmas."

"It came with instructions and gloves! I thought you would want to expand your horizons," McCoy defended. It was a great gift! People never understood the importance of enemas, as old-fashioned as they were.

"I rest my case," Spock said, and okay, Leonard conceded that maybe it would be tacky to give someone a box of condoms on Valentine's Day.

"Let's say I got Jim; why would I want to trade him? He's my best friend, he would be the easiest and cheapest present for me; maybe condoms and lube and I'm all set." Leonard really wanted to get rid of that box of condoms. It had been naïve to think that he would get laid a lot in space.

Since Spock didn't say anything, Leonard glanced at him and noticed the murderous glare he was sending in his direction. He had apparently touched a nerve.

"I would appreciate if you refrained for giving such personal and improper presents to the Captain," Spock said coldly. "Are you saying that you will not make the exchange?"

"Who did you get?"

"Nurse Chapel." Spock shuddered. He actually shuddered, and Leonard smiled, knowing Chapel was two steps away from getting a restraining order signed by Pike.

Spock must have something he couldn't see because so far Chapel and Jim were lusting after him like he was the best person in the whole universe.

"Man, that's just fate then, I wouldn't want to intrude in your true love," Leonard mocked.

"Nurse Chapel is not 'my true love'; I believe she is an efficient nurse and we maintain a professional relationship," Spock said in a clipped tone.

"That's not what I heard… that time, when everyone on the ship was crazy because our inhibitions went to hell… you were alone with her in Sickbay… I noticed that one of my beds was messy…"

"You should not pay any attention to gossip, Doctor McCoy. I have heard you enjoy dressing as a woman in your spare time and I do not assume that is true."

"WHAT? Who said that? I bet it was Jim, I'm going to kill him!"

"It was not the Captain, and refrain for making threats against him," Spock demanded. Of course, he had to defend his imaginary boyfriend. Typical. Leonard couldn't believe those two were still oblivious about their feelings.

"Sure, sure, you don't need to get all territorial over Jim. I didn't get him, I got Chekov."

"Oh." Spock blanked out his expression again. "I see this was a waste of time then."

"Yeah, it was," agreed Leonard.

"I shall retire; I apologize if I disturbed your routine of doing nothing productive."

"Hey! I'm a busy doctor, you all just think you can come in here and talk to me like I have nothing better to do and assume that I'm…" Leonard noticed that Spock was long gone. "Damn Vulcan."

Deciding that this meant that he should add something awful to Spock's medical chart, he grabbed his PADD again when he heard footsteps getting closer. Now what?

"I told you I'm busy!" McCoy snapped.

"Relax Bones, it's me!" Jim said with a big smile. "You don't have to pretend to be all professional."

"Your Vulcan was here just a minute ago, didn't you see him?"

"Uh, no, actually the hallway was deserted. Spock was here? What did he want?" Jim sounded nervous.

"He asked for your hand in marriage."

"Ha, ha. Come on, tell me!"

"What do you care? Even better, what do you want?"

"Oh, well…" Jim fidgeted, the Vulcan apparently forgotten. "Remember when I told you that I had everything under control for the exchange?"

"Yes." This didn't sound good.

"It turns out that I messed up… and I lost Spock's name from the batch."

"What?"

"Yeah… but I narrowed down the options, so… did you get him?"

"Let's assume I did. What would you do for me if I wanted to trade?"

"Oh, don't be like that! You're my best friend! You have to help me."

"You got me into this mess in the first place. I think having Spock as my Secret Valentine is revenge enough."

"Why? So you can give away your stupid box of condoms to be wasted because Spock won't use them?"

"How are you so sure he won't use them?" Leonard said with a naughty tone, making Jim go completely wide-eyed.

"You know if Spock has the hots for someone?" Jim asked in a rush.

"Maybe."

"Who?"

McCoy heard the angry tone in his voice. His friend was the jealous type, maybe he shouldn't be toying with his emotions like this… but it was so amusing! Well, Jim would forgive him… eventually.

"I can't tell you, it's confidential." Leonard put the PADD on the desk, looking deadly serious.

"I order you to tell me!" Jim said in his best menacing voice. It didn't fool Leonard, though. He was freaking out on the inside.

"Nope. And you better watch your tone with me, kid."

Then Jim noticed the small smirk on Bones' lips, and he glared hard.

"Asshole!" He punched Leonard's arm. "I thought you were serious."

"Yes Jim, because if Spock had the hots for someone he would run quickly to tell ME about it," Leonard spat. "You know we can barely live on the same ship."

"I think you two are great friends," smiled Jim. "So, who did you get?"

"First tell me what name you got and let me see if this benefits me somehow."

"You're my best friend; you're supposed to help me."

"I've helped you tons of times."

"Stitching your name on my butt doesn't constitute 'helping'." Jim glared; apparently he was still sour about that.

"It was a great work of art, and you were the moron who tried to catch a knife with your ass." Leonard defended himself. He had clearly said it was a bad idea but Jim went for it anyway.

"You could use the dermal regenerator."

"If you behave, maybe I'll get it off before you sleep with the Vulcan."

"Hey! I don't want to sleep with Spock." Leonard looked at Jim incredulously. "Well, it would be nice, but I love him. I just want to woo him until he realizes I'm the logical choice for a mate."

"First, nobody has said 'woo' in two centuries. Second, you aren't a logical choice for a mate, you're just you and that should be enough."

"Me being me hasn't worked so far, Bones."

"Because you're an idiot."

"Nice. Are you telling me what name you got or what?"

"You first."

"Fine, I got Uhura, happy?"

"Oh, sweet irony." Leonard smirked. "Giving a gift to the ex of your crush… it's like an old soap opera."

"Whatever, I told you who I got. Your turn."

"I got Chekov."

"What? You tortured me for nothing?"

Well, I wouldn't say for 'nothing'. I had fun. Besides Jimbo, if you are a super genius, how come you didn't get that if I had gotten Spock, I would have realized that you messed up the exchange thing? Stop thinking with your dick for once."

Jim didn't bother with an answer; he just stormed out of Sickbay in one of his dramatic exits. Oh, kids in love.

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was excited about this Secret Valentine thing until he saw the name he got. He wanted Chekov and he got the Captain, although a lot of people would say he was lucky because the Captain was a sexy beast. Not him, though; he liked Chekov, he was so innocent and cute…damn, it would have been so cool if he got him for the exchange. Well, now he had to think of a present for the Captain.

What to give to your boss that wasn't too personal but also showed that you cared? That was the hardest thing; getting the highest ranked person on the Enterprise as your Secret Valentine was tricky. He was considering asking Doctor McCoy about it, since he was the Captain's best friend. He hoped McCoy could provide helpful suggestions because Hikaru was out of ideas. He didn't want to give his Captain the wrong idea. He liked him as a friend, and yeah, he probably would hit that if he wasn't already interested in someone else. But he had no interest in the Captain in that way and he wanted to use this opportunity to make his intentions with Pavel clear. Slowly, of course, the guy was still a minor for the next two months and four days according to his calculations (he happened to notice Chekov's personnel file in the database. He wasn't stalking him or anything, it was pure coincidence).

This sucked; if Pavel saw that he was giving a present to the Captain he could misinterpret his intentions. His gift had to be as impersonal as possible, but still nice enough that the Captain wouldn't take offense. Hikaru was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when he glanced up and noticed Commander Spock seated in front of him.

"Commander!" Hikaru squeaked.

"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Sulu." Commander Spock tilted his head. "I hope you do not mind that I took a seat at your table. You seemed lost in your contemplations, I was not sure if you heard me ask if I could join you for lunch."

"Oh, sorry, no, I didn't hear you. Sure, go ahead." Hikaru knew saying this was stupid; the Commander looked like he was already halfway through his meal, which meant that he'd just sat there quietly until Hikaru got back to reality. He didn't know if that was extremely polite, or just creepy.

"Lieutenant, if you do not mind answering this question, what is your opinion about the activity the Captain suggested for the Terran Holiday called 'Valentine's Day'?" The Commander looked at Hikaru with an arched eyebrow.

"Well… I think it's great…" Hikaru smiled. "If you got the person you wanted," he muttered to himself while he chewed his sandwich.

"I concur, Mister Sulu. The Captain's goal seemed to be to create a playful environment to get to know our fellow crewmembers; however, he apparently did not take in account that the date itself evokes a more… romantic sentiment."

Hikaru blushed immediately. Right, Vulcans had sharp hearing. Good thing he hadn't said anything stupid.

"But the Captain is trying to be nice and he's doing something we can all enjoy; we can hardly complain when he meant well."

"Of course, I do not doubt the noble intentions of our Captain. But it would be more satisfactory if those who want to take advantage of the celebration got the person they are interested in, do not you agree?

"Um… I suppose." Hikaru was lost about the Commander's intentions here, so he decided to just follow his lead.

"I have noticed that you observe Ensign Chekov quite often," Commander Spock said calmly.

"We're just friends! He's a minor!" That sounded better in his head.

"Do not concern yourself, Lieutenant. I do not object to your interest in the Ensign, it is only natural that some feelings blossom in our shared time." Commander Spock maintained his cool tone of voice. Hikaru didn't know if he should be scared that Mister Spock had used the words 'feelings' and 'blossom' in the same sentence and without any negative connotations.

"Thanks?" He was at loss for what to say to the Commander. If this was some kind of test, he was sure he'd failed already.

"And since I noticed your discomfort at the activity, I daresay you did not get the Ensign as your 'Secret Valentine'. Am I correct in my assumptions?"

Okay, this was becoming creepier by the minute. The Commander just said 'Secret Valentine' without twitching his eye. Hikaru wondered if it was wise to confirm what the Vulcan clearly already knew.

"That's correct, Commander. I got the Captain." _So much for 'Secret Valentine'_ thought Hikaru bitterly. They weren't supposed to say which name they got.

Glancing at Mister Spock, Hikaru noticed a weird glint in his eyes. Now he was truly scared… he looked around and they were practically alone in the mess hall, which was weird because it was lunch time… unless the Commander had something to do with this. No witnesses, then… Hikaru sorted out his options in his head. Nope, he was screwed, he had nowhere to run.

"I am glad my search has come to an end," the Commander said in a strange tone.

"Great." Hikaru tried to sound sympathetic to see if that made his escape easier. "Good for you, Commander!"

"Mister Sulu." Commander Spock sounded serious again, which made Hikaru tremble (only a little, the guy was a Vulcan! It was natural to be afraid of him). "If for some reason I ended up with Mister Chekov's name for the exchange, would you consider trading with me?"

What? This was the last thing Hikaru had expected.

"You want the Captain as your Secret Valentine? I thought you would want Uhura…" Hikaru shut his mouth quickly. That was a secret; everyone thought that this would be the big opportunity for Uhura and Mister Spock to get back together.

"And why would I want the Lieutenant for the exchange? It is easier to give a present to a human male, and the Captain is above me… in rank." Hikaru narrowed his eyes at hearing the Commander's long pause after 'above me'. Weird. "It is logical that I would look forward to giving him a present, since having someone of lower rank could lead to misunderstandings."

Hikaru wasn't really sure of that logic, but he wasn't going to say anything to the Commander. Besides, that made more sense than the Commander actually wanting the Captain in a romantic way; after all, those two hated each other's guts.

"I guess you're right," Hikaru said. "It's not like you're interested in him romantically, and if you want to get back together with Uhura you can always ask her to dance on the ball." Shit! He wasn't supposed to say that either, dammit!

Commander Spock only lifted an eyebrow.

"Lieutenant Uhura and I are not restoring our personal relationship. We are friends and I hold her in high esteem, but we have different interests and we have agreed to pursue our personal goals."

It seemed odd that Commander Spock was explaining this to him, but maybe he just wanted to clarify that he wasn't getting back together with Uhura on Valentine's Day. Damn, he just lost fifty credits.

"Now, returning to my previous query, what would be your answer, Mister Sulu?"

"I guess I would do the trade."

"Excellent, that was all I wanted to know, Lieutenant. Excuse me."

Commander Spock stood up suddenly, leaving Hikaru was completely confused. What just happened here?

 

* * *

 

Scotty stared at the small piece of paper, sighing. Sure, Doctor McCoy was a handsome fellow and rumor said he was really good in bed, but Scotty didn't swing that way and he would have preferred to have Nyota for his Secret Valentine. Keenser was useless, he had specifically told him that he had to find out who got Uhura so Scotty could trade the name, and the lad just ate his sandwich, sitting on his console. In these moments Scotty really wished he had left Keenser on Delta Vega.

_This bites._ He had no time to ask the crew to see who got Nyota, and he had the perfect present for her: a beautiful necklace he saw on their last shore leave. If the Captain hadn't come up with the idea of the Secret Valentine, Scotty would have made his move with her on Valentine's Day. He had even planned a romantic dinner in the Engineering department. Maybe he could still do that after the party.

"Hey, Scotty!"

Turning around, Scotty noticed the Captain standing in front of him with a big smile on his face.

"Captain! What are you doing here?"

"I decided to pay a visit to my favorite engineer."

Well, that was odd. The Captain only visited when he needed something, and last time he checked, Scotty had upgraded everything as requested.

"Can I help you with something, Captain?" Scotty asked. He didn't like avoiding touchy subjects; that was why he was going to declare his undying love for Nyota directly instead of just giving hints like the Captain did with Mister Spock.

He sometimes wondered if he was the only one who noticed how the Captain turned into a high school girl around the Commander. He only was two steps away from giggling every time the Commander talked to him.

"Direct as usual, Scotty." The Captain shook his head, apparently amused. "I was wondering who you got for the exchange."

"You want to know what name I got?" Scotty frowned.

"That's right… I'm doing a little research… helping friends… no big deal."

Maybe the Captain was worried that the person who got his name would give him a crappy present or something. Scotty knew what that was like, Keenser always gave him oil for his birthday. And then he drank it, leaving Scotty the empty can.

"Captain, I'm sure whoever got your name will get a good present for you."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that, Scotty. I just… well, I want to know if you got Spock."

"Commander Spock?"

"Is there another Spock… on the ship?"

"I guess not." Scotty smiled; they both knew there was another Spock. Oh, the Captain was so adorable with his crush on the Commander. Honestly, everyone must be blind.

"So… did you get him?"

"Nay Captain. I got Doctor McCoy."

"Bones, huh? Man, that must suck."

"I like the doctor… just not in that way."

"Scotty, I doubt anyone likes Bones in _that way._ " The Captain smirked. "You were hoping for someone else, then?"

"I admit there's a certain female whom I got my eye on," Scotty mused.

"Really? If you tell me, maybe I can find out who has the name and see if they want to exchange with you."

That wasn't such a bad idea, but Scotty wasn't sure if he should answer… the Captain kept hitting on Nyota back at the Academy and he still made jokes about it. He knew the Captain was interested in the Commander, but maybe he also wanted Nyota as a backup. He was a cautious man; Scotty didn't want to take any risks.

"I'm not interested in anyone here, Scotty," the Captain clarified like he had read Scotty's mind. "Well… anyone female, anyway."

"I know, Captain," Scotty smiled. "I would have liked to get Nyota's name."

The Captain was wide-eyed, like he would have expected any name but that one. Why was that so surprising? Scotty had fine taste in women, he was just a traditionalist; he didn't hit on the one he was interested in, he courted her until she fell for his charms. He liked the old fashioned thing.

"Spock's ex? I don't know, Scotty… rumors say that they're planning on getting back together." Scotty noted the annoyed tone in the Captain's voice.

"I think that if they wanted to get back together, they would have done so already," Scotty said with conviction; he didn't want the Captain to give up on his intent to pursue the Commander. He had a shot there, Scotty knew. The Commander invaded the Captain's personal space with silly excuses like 'I thought I saw an insect in your hair, Captain'.

"You think?" The Captain looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"I'm sure, Captain. Besides, I think Nyota would like a taste of Scotland," he smirked.

"Hey, no argument there. If you use your kilt, you'll probably win her heart. But just because I'm awesome… here…"

Scotty took the folded paper the Captain extended, and when he opened it his heart started beating faster.

"Captain… Really?"

"Sure Scotty, at least someone should get the one he really wants. It won't be that bad giving a present to Bones. I'm his best friend; I know how his mind works."

"Thank you Captain!" Scotty said gleefully. He got Nyota! That dinner must happen now.

"No need to thank me Scotty, I like to believe that I'm Cupid and I just shot an arrow into your heart."

"Well, it would help if you shot an arrow into Nyota's heart. She's already won mine."

"The moment she sees the necklace and hears your poem she will fall for you, no doubt."

Scotty blushed deeply. That was a secret!

"How did you know about that?" he shrieked.

"Sometimes the recreation room isn't as deserted as you think. Next time don't recite your poem to Keenser… he's a bad audience."

So the Captain only wanted Scotty to admit his crush. Oh, he was good. Well, at least Scotty got what he wanted… and now it was time to plan the dinner again.

 

* * *

 

McCoy was playing with his stylus, thinking about what would be the best gift to give a naïve seventeen year old kid who had a strange sense of humor and thought that everything good came from Russia. Could it be considered tacky to give him a box of condoms wrapped in the Russian flag?

He heard a cough, and he knew perfectly well whom it was coming from.

"What do you want now?" he glared.

"Good afternoon, Doctor McCoy," Spock deadpanned. Okay, he didn't say anything about his 'manners'; he must want something from him then.

"I repeat: What do you want?"

"I was wondering if you would be amenable to exchanging the person you got for the activity with me."

"You want me to give you Chekov? Why?"

"I have my reasons."

"I didn't know you liked jailbait, Spock," he smirked; it was so fun baiting the Vulcan.

"I am not interested in the Ensign romantically, and may I add that I find it disturbing how humans immediately assume that everything is related to sex."

"It's more plausible than you wanting Chekov because you want a BFF."

"I do not understand. What is the meaning of 'BFF'?" Spock arched an eyebrow.

"I thought Jim explained this to you."

"I am afraid he did not clarify, he just diverted the topic as he often does," Spock said in a resigned tone. Yep, that sounded like Jim.

"It means 'Best Friends Forever'."

"I still do not understand." Spock kept his expression neutral.

"Forget it. I'm not giving you Chekov. I have the perfect present for him," he lied, because it was easier to give something to Chekov than to give a present to a woman, let alone _Nurse Chapel_.

Spock looked at him with disbelief; yeah, he probably wasn't falling for that one.

"I can get the perfect gift for him, anyway. I just have to ask him."

"You are going to ask the Ensign about his own present," Spock said, sounding bored. "Does that not defeat the whole purpose of this exercise?"

"It's not like anyone is keeping their Secret Valentine… well, a secret. So far I know you got Chapel… and let's say I know about others as well."

"Like the Captain?" Spock sounded interested.

"You know Jim. He always tells me everything." McCoy knew he was hitting a nerve here; Spock hated it when he pointed out how he and Jim were best friends.

"I see." Spock clasped his hands behind his back. Oh, this was bad, he was pissed.

"But he has a big mouth anyway." He tried to do some damage control. Provoking Spock was fun to some extent, but he knew when to stop to avoid the bitch-choke he was so fond of using when someone snapped his Vulcan control.

"The Captain's mouth is perfectly proportional to his features," Spock said coldly.

"I'm sure you've been aware of Jim's proportions lately," he said without thinking.

Spock only arched an eyebrow again, clearly meaning: 'I don't know what you're talking about; I'm pretty discreet at undressing the Captain with my eyes'.

"You want Chekov." He thought it prudent to get back on topic. "Unless you give me a good reason, I won't trade with you. Chapel is my nurse; she could get the wrong idea about us."

"I assure you Doctor, Nurse Chapel is not interested in you."

"Oh, right, she has the hots for you. Still, I work with her; it'd be awkward if I got her as my Secret Valentine."

"She does not…" Spock massaged his temples like he always did when McCoy unnerved him. "I do not see how it would be 'awkward'… unless perhaps you feel attracted to Miss Chapel, then I would understand why you are reluctant to exchange names."

"I'm not ten years old Spock, I won't fall for that argument. Just tell me, does this have something to do with you wanting Jim as your Secret Valentine?"

"If I said that it does, would you do the trade?"

"Yes."

"Very well. It is related to my intention of having the Captain as my recipient."

"Oh, then Sulu must have gotten Jim, right?"

Spock tilted his head.

"May I ask how you came to that conclusion?"

"Sulu wants Chekov… even though he says 'they're just friends', it's clear he wants to play more mature games than poker with the kid. And you knew I got Chekov, I doubt you are so generous that you'd make the trade just to help Sulu. You could have told him that I got Chekov and let Sulu deal with me. The fact that you're here means that you don't want Sulu trading with me because then I would get Jim and then I would make you suffer."

"Excellent, Doctor McCoy. If you applied this kind of reasoning in your social skills, I believe you could become the finest member of the fleet."

"Spock, don't try sarcasm. It doesn't suit you." McCoy smirked. "What's in for me if I give you Chekov?"

"You would do a good deed for one of your crewmates. I do not mean myself, I know you do not feel inclined to help me; I am talking about Mister Sulu. You would help him in his dilemma."

"Oh, come on Spock, I'm not that bad. I would help you if you asked."

"Hence the problem. I would not ask."

"You're a proud son of a bitch, you know that?"

"You are fond of reminding me of it, yes."

"Okay, let's make a deal. I'll give you Chekov… but you have to give me the document about Pon Farr that I've been asking you about since we started the mission."

"Doctor McCoy, that is hardly fair. That document is extremely private."

"I know, I play dirty all the time. I want to be the first doctor to actually do research on that topic… and of course you want Jim, so we both win."

"If you exchange names with me, I will give you the document in Vulcan. You will have to do the translation on your own, and you must agree to keep it private as doctor-patient confidentiality demands."

"Now you admit I'm your doctor? This day keeps getting better and better."

"As you would say, do we 'have a deal?'"

"All right, deal. Buy Jim something pretty."

Spock didn't bother saying anything else, he just took the piece of paper McCoy put on his desk, leaving Chapel's name carefully folded. Now what the hell was he going to give her? He doubted she would appreciate his box of condoms.

 

* * *

 

Pavel went to the Science lab for research purposes. He had Commander Spock as his Secret Valentine, and he was really nervous about it. Mister Spock was a scary Vulcan. And besides, he thought that Mister Spock didn't like him much after what happened almost a year ago. Sure, he said it wasn't his fault when he apologized, but he had to say that because it was 'the logical thing to say', not because he really felt that way. He was still afraid that Mister Spock would do something awful to him for failing to rescue his mother. Sulu said he was paranoid, but Chekov still always checked his meal in case the Vulcan decided to poison him. Having him as his Secret Valentine was really ironic.

For a moment, when he glanced at the paper for the first time, he thought he had gotten Sulu; he was ecstatic, Sulu was his perfect choice for his Secret Valentine. He had hinted at his attraction for his console partner for a while now; however, Sulu kept looking at him like he was just a child. He was seventeen, and he always was a precocious kid anyway. He had experienced tons of things that most young men his age wouldn't dream of. In fact, he was probably more experienced than Sulu, who was far too shy for his taste. The only thing Chekov hadn't done was being totally naked in the same room with Sulu. If he had gotten Sulu as his Secret Valentine, that would have helped a lot with what he wanted.

Sighing, Chekov entered the recreation room, noticing Lieutenant Uhura chatting with Yeoman Rand. Well, he didn't want to give Mister Spock another reason to hate him, so he had to get this present thing right. The only reliable source to help him accomplish that was Miss Uhura. She was his ex-girlfriend, she must have some insight about the Commander's taste… or perhaps, if rumors were true, she would be willing to trade names with him.

"Miss Uhura," Pavel interrupted the chat the women were having. "I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment."

Miss Uhura looked at him fondly.

"Of course, Chekov. Excuse us, Janice."

"Sure thing… just do it, Nyota."

"We'll see." She smiled. "Come, Pavel."

Uhura guided him to one of the corners of the room for privacy.

"First, I have told you to call me 'Nyota', Pavel," she said in a warm tone. "And second, you don't have to look so nervous every time you talk to me. I don't bite."

"Sorry, it's just… I have a difficult question for you, Miss…" Pavel noticed her frown. "… I mean, Nyota."

"Okay, I'm all ears… is this about the Secret Valentine thing the Captain organized?"

Pavel nodded, still trying to think of the best way to ask Uhura about what he wanted to know without sounding like he hated the idea of giving Commander Spock a present. He didn't want Uhura to believe he didn't like Mister Spock. He was scared of him, but above all, he did like him.

"I must say that luck was on my side for this one," Uhura smiled. "I got exactly who I wanted."

Pavel frowned. He would have assumed she wanted Mister Spock as her Secret Valentine, but that couldn't be, he was the one who got Mister Spock… then the reconciliation between Miss Uhura and Mister Spock wasn't going to happen?

"Really? Who did you get?" Pavel was curious now.

"Oh, I can't tell you. _Secret Valentine_ , remember?" Uhura winked at him. "I'll give you a hint though… he has a very exotic accent."

Pavel blushed immediately. Oh dear… Lieutenant Uhura was his Secret Valentine! And she was acting like she was interested in him… in a more than friendly way. Nah, that couldn't be, she was… well, older than him. And she hadn't seemed to notice Pavel like that before.

But it made sense… she didn't want to tell him the name, she said it was a man, and he had an exotic accent… he was the only one with a very marked accent, and it was the center of the jokes on the Bridge sometimes. He was in deep trouble now… compared to this, getting a gift for Mister Spock sounded way too easy.

"Pavel?" Miss Uhura put his hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Pavel stepped back like the touch burned him. This was bad… this was really bad.

"Are you sure? You look like you saw a ghost or something."

"N-no, no ghost, no nothing… I have to go, Miss Uhura!"

"But you haven't asked me anything…"

"I forgot what I was going to ask you! Goodbye!"

Leaving a very surprised Uhura behind, Pavel ran from the room. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the person in the hallway and crashed into a strong chest.

"I'm so sorry!" he said quickly, without seeing who it was that held him.

"Relax, Chekov, where's the fire?"

Pavel glanced upwards, seeing Captain Kirk holding his shoulders to steady him.

"Captain! I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"I bet you didn't, you were running pretty fast. Did something happen?"

"Yes! No! I… I…"

"Breathe, Chekov," the Captain said with amusement. "What's wrong?"

Everything made sense now. Miss Uhura was always complimenting him when he did something good, she defended him from the jokes Sulu and the Captain sometimes made about his accent or his youth and she was always touching his arm… even in front of Mister Spock, he would have thought that Miss Uhura would be more discreet about pursuing someone in front of her ex-boyfriend. He never imagined he was Miss Uhura's type anyway, he thought she was just being nice.

"Chekov?" the Captain asked.

"Nothing! Miss Uhura and I are just friends!" he said rather quickly.

"Okay… that's good, I think… want to tell me what is the matter with you today?"

"I just wanted to know if Miss Uhura wanted to trade with me, I didn't want to know the rest," he said in a panic.

"Wanted to trade?" The Captain frowned. "You didn't like your Secret Valentine?"

"No, no… I… well… it's just that Mister Spock is really hard to please and…" Pavel put his hands over his mouth. He wasn't supposed to say who he got! The Captain had planned this and now he'd ruined it.

"Spock? You got Spock?" the Captain said with wide eyes.

"Y-yes… but I do like him… it's not like I want to get rid of him or something… I just… well… I would have preferred having someone I knew better, like Sulu."

The Captain smiled gently at him.

"I get it, Chekov… if for some reason I got Sulu's name… are you willing to trade with me?"

"You want to give a present to Mister Spock?" Pavel was really surprised. It was no secret that the Commander and the Captain didn't get along very well.

"I thought that would help us to break through a few barriers we have," the Captain said.

That was a good idea; if the Captain got Mister Spock, then he could try to use this as a way to get closer to the Commander. Even when Mister Spock was always with the Captain, and they played chess together sometimes, Pavel could see that they weren't exactly close. He was a very good judge of character. Those two didn't have anything in common.

Pavel nodded in answer to the Captain's question.

"Okay then… you'll get Sulu, I can manage that. Stop worrying so much, then, or you could hurt yourself running through the hallways."

"Yes, Captain," Pavel blushed.

The Captain patted his back while he walked away, looking far too cheerful. Well, he was getting Sulu after all… now he had to think how to respectfully decline Miss Uhura's advances without hurting her feelings. Why did love have to be so complicated? He was only seventeen!

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was ready to get back to the Bridge for his shift when he saw Mister Spock entering the turbolift.

"Good afternoon, Mister Sulu," he said politely.

"Good afternoon, Commander."

They stayed silent for a few minutes, Hikaru feeling incredible awkward without knowing why. Something about the Vulcan was off today. He had conversed more with him today than he had in the seven months they had been on the mission.

"Mister Sulu, do you recall our earlier conversation in the mess hall?" Mister Spock broke the silence.

"About the trade? Yes, I do."

"Very well. I have Mister Chekov for the exchange… would you like to trade with me?"

If Mister Spock had Chekov, why hadn't he said something before? It was weird… but surely the Commander didn't seek out the person who had Chekov and make them trade the name just so he could get the Captain's… right?

But he was getting Chekov… why was he complaining?

"Uh… sure, Commander, I'll trade with you."

Hikaru gave the Commander the Captain's name while he received Chekov's. He was too caught up in his own happiness to notice the small smile on Mister Spock's lips.

 

* * *

 

Jim looked at everyone on the Bridge with a frown. Something was up with the crew. Chekov blushed every time Uhura said something, Spock was awfully distracted and Sulu had the biggest smile he'd seen in a while.

"I would like to know everyone's opinion of the Valentine's celebration," he said after he noticed how Chekov flinched away from Uhura's touch.

"Captain?" Sulu asked, confused, finally losing the smile.

"Well, you all look weird… maybe it was a mistake that I suggested it… how about we cancel it and continue as normal?" He tried to sound neutral but he was crushed on the inside. He just wanted to do something nice for everyone.

"No!" said Chekov and Sulu at the same time, surprising him.

"I thought it was a great idea, Captain," Uhura said with a smile.

"I believe the crew is rather enthusiastic about the celebration, Captain. While I do not share the sentiment, it would help morale," Spock added.

Okay, Spock always opposed his ideas about having parties because he never understood the point. For him to agree with this… Jim didn't know if he should call Bones to do a medical exam on Spock or check with Scotty for weird spores in the environment.

"All right then… I guess Cupid got us this year," he smiled.

Chekov blushed again and Sulu tried very hard to avoid everyone's eyes.

"Oh Jim… you have no idea." Uhura winked at him and Chekov coughed loudly.

"Are you okay, Chekov?" Jim was worried about him; he'd been acting weird since this afternoon.

"Maybe I can give you something for that cough, Pavel," Uhura said with glee. "That way you won't have to endure Doctor McCoy's examination."

"I'm fine!" Chekov said quickly. "I don't need anything, thank you."

Uhura looked taken aback by Chekov's outburst. Jim glanced at Spock mouthing 'what was that about'. Spock only tilted his head, indicating that he had no idea and that he didn't care either.

Since everyone was on board with the celebration, Jim had another mission on his hands. Find whoever got Sulu and trade with them, so he could finally get Spock.

 

* * *

 

The next day the environment on the Enterprise was still too weird for Jim's taste. Chekov was avoiding Uhura like the plague, Sulu was asking Rand about fabric samples and Spock was really distant with him. He didn't want to play chess with Jim yesterday even when they already had agreed on it. He said he had an 'urgent matter', which just made Jim think that the whole getting back together with Uhura thing was a reality now. Damn, he and Scotty would get their hearts broken… Jim was used to it anyway, he felt for Scotty. He was so excited about giving Uhura a present… Jim had to do something.

Jim thought he could win Spock over if he got him as his Secret Valentine… he could show him that he was a very good choice for a mate, that he cared about him deeply. Now he wasn't so sure, and the way Spock used any excuse to run far away from him was making him reconsider the situation.

"What's up, Jimbo?" Bones sat down in front of him.

"Nothing new… I'm looking for whoever has Sulu as their Secret Valentine."

"Why do people keep saying who their Secret Valentine is? What was the point in having the pieces of paper the old fashioned way if they're telling everyone who they got?" Bones complained.

"Everyone's looking to their own interests, Bones." Jim winked at him.

"Idiots, let me tell you," Bones muttered.

Jim decided to tell Bones what was on his mind. His friend always helped him when he was torn about what to do.

"Bones… do you think that I can be happy with someone?"

Bones looked at him dubiously.

"What do you mean?"

"You said that I was a man-whore, that I don't do commitment… do you think I'm capable of settling down?"

"Is this about your crush on the hobgoblin?" Bones asked, sounding annoyed.

"Well… you know the rumors about Spock and Uhura getting back together… and if I want him to choose me, I have to show him that I'm worth it…"

"Jim…"

"Come on Bones, you know what everyone thinks… I'm just a fuckup whore who got lucky."

Jim hated sounding this insecure. He'd moved beyond the self-pity by now, but with Spock… it was like being that guy again. The one who couldn't be worthy of anyone's love no matter how hard he tried.

"Listen to me, moron." Bones looked at him hard. "We did this back at the Academy, I refuse to do it again just because you think the elf is better than a shore leave on Risa 4. First, if Spock wanted to get back together with Uhura, I think he would have already made a move. Second, Spock is lucky to have someone like you love him. You're awesome Jim, warm, noble, charming… and don't let this go to your head, but you're not that bad on the eyes either…"

"Awww, Bones…"

"Shut up! All I'm saying is that you're James Kirk. You don't believe in no-win scenarios. You fight for what you want, don't let your insecurities get in the way, because trust me kid, you have nothing to be insecure about…" Bones took Jim's hand gently. "You're perfect, and I love you."

Jim smiled. Bones always knew what to say to make him feel better.

They both heard a cough, and they noticed Spock standing in front of them with a very, very, very intimidating look on his face.

"Spock!" Jim said, surprised. "I thought you said you couldn't have lunch with me."

"And I see you managed just fine," Spock said coldly.

"Well, Bones and I were just talking…." Jim felt like an idiot. He didn't have to justify why he was having lunch with Bones, they were friends. Spock, on the other hand, was the one being all evasive. If someone had to do some explaining, it was him.

"Is something wrong with your hand, Captain?" Spock asked.

"Um… no."

"Then I do not understand why the doctor is touching you in such a personal manner."

Jim glanced at his hand, noticing that Bones was still holding it. He tried to retrieve it, but Bones was faster and grabbed it forcefully.

"Why do you care?" Bones said with a smirk. "Maybe we're touch telepaths like you and we're exchanging thoughts."

"I fail to see how that is amusing," Spock bit out.

"Bones…" Jim warned. The last thing he needed was to have Spock thinking that they were fucking like half the Academy had during their formative years.

"Fine, fine." Bones released his hand.

"Are you joining us, Spock?" Jim asked after a very awkward silence.

"Since you do not seem to need company, I believe I should get back to the science laboratory. If you excuse me…"

Spock turned around, leaving without saying another word.

"What's wrong with him?" Jim glanced at Bones.

"The green-eyed monster, Jim," Bones said calmly.

"Is this a new way you found of mocking Spock?" Jim frowned. He didn't like it when Bones kept inventing mocking names for Spock.

"Let's say I can see things that you don't because you're too stupid."

"Hey!"

"And by the way Jimbo, I know who has Sulu…"

"Really? Who?"

"Nurse Chapel."

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was still unsure about his gift. At first he'd thought of giving Chekov an expensive present, but he remembered that they'd talked about this once and he made a comment about how making gifts was more significant than buying them. He'd decided to make Chekov a personalized stylus… but he was at loss as to how he was going to do that. Janice seemed to be good with crafts; Hikaru decided to ask for her guidance.

He entered the botany lab to try to actually do some work instead of thinking about Chekov and his gift. Hikaru sat in front of his desk, kicking something under the table. What the hell?

"Oofff," he heard a small cry.

"Chekov?" Hikaru bent to see the person who was apparently hidden there. He saw Chekov with a small tray in his hands.

"Hi," Chekov said shyly. "I thought you were at the mess hall."

"I skipped lunch… what are you doing there? Come on, get up, you must be sore from being stuck down there."

"I'm fine," Chekov said in a tired tone, but he still took Hikaru's hand to be helped.

"Care to tell me why you are here instead of the mess hall?" Hikaru looked him doubtfully.

"I didn't think you would mind if I had lunch here." Chekov sounded hurt. Damn, Hikaru didn't mean it as a complaint, he was truly curious.

"I don't mind. In fact, you can finish your lunch, I don't have a problem with sharing the lab with you." He smiled, hoping to encourage Chekov to talk. "Let me grab you a chair."

"Thank you."

They sat down in silence while Chekov took small bites of his sandwich. Hikaru decided not to push the poor guy, he looked rather scared, and that caused him a small pang in his stomach. He didn't like it when Chekov was sad or scared; he wanted to protect him from everything.

"Chekov, what are you getting for your Secret Valentine?"

Chekov almost choked on his bite as he blushed intensely. Okay, Hikaru clearly couldn't approach any topic without making Chekov embarrassed or scared.

"Forget I asked," he said with a smile. "After all, it's supposed to be secret, right?"

"Right," Chekov said in a small voice.

"So… do you know about our latest research? We have these plants that change colors… we think they can actually feel things, not as complicated as human emotions, but rudimentary sensations… Mister Spock thinks that perhaps the plants are reacting to certain stimuli like light or heat, but I think they can feel…."

Hikaru noticed Chekov looking at him oddly.

"What?" he asked, feeling uncomfortable with the stare.

"It's fun hearing you talking about plants," Chekov said with a smile.

"Oh, mock me if you want, but it's a great discovery," he said, trying to sound cool; he knew that sometimes Chekov and the Captain liked to make jokes about his love for plants.

"I wasn't mocking you. I meant it."

Hikaru glanced at Chekov, noticing the intense stare he was giving him. Hikaru tried not to blush; this was the moment he'd been looking for since they started the mission. They were completely alone, just talking, with no missions, orders or problems between them; just the two of them.

"Sulu! Spock wants you in the science lab!"

The moment was broken by Lieutenant Uhura entering the botanic lab. Hikaru sighed, he couldn't catch a break.

"Okay, thank you," he said resignedly.

"Oh, you're here too Chekov. I was looking for you," Uhura smiled.

"W-what? Why?" Chekov squealed.

"You asked me to help you, remember?"

Hikaru looked at Chekov, who was bright red, and then at Uhura, who looked confused. Maybe he didn't have a shot with Chekov; he clearly had some sort of thing for Uhura… he felt like an idiot. Now what was he supposed to do?

"You can stay here if you want," he said, standing up. "At this hour everyone's in the mess hall, and you can get privacy. See you two around."

He smiled at them before walking away. Fine, he maybe was heartbroken but he sure wasn't showing it. Mister Spock was the only one who suspected his crush on Chekov, and he certainly wasn't going to say anything about it.

No, this was going to be his secret. He wondered if it was too late to change the name again for someone else. This was humiliating enough without giving Chekov a present when he wanted one from Uhura.

No wonder Mister Spock said he and Uhura weren't getting back together. They had different goals, and apparently Uhura's goals were young and Russian.

 

* * *

 

"Come on Chapel! Why won't you trade with me?"

Christine sighed, putting away medical scrubs. The Captain had been in Sickbay for the last half hour and Doctor McCoy had fled as soon as he knew the purpose of the Captain's visit.

"Because you have Doctor McCoy, and he's my boss. My intentions could be misinterpreted."

"Bones knows you aren't interested in him, pleaseeee." The Captain batted his eyes.

"Save it. That doesn't work with me, Captain. Why are you so interested in Sulu?"

"I like Sulu. He's an awesome helmsman."

"Still, it seems like your interest goes beyond Sulu's ability to maneuver the ship."

"Let's just say I have something in mind…"

"This just reinforces my decision of no trading… with all due respect, Captain."

"Oh, please! You know I wouldn't do anything to Sulu, right?"

"I suppose…"

"And having Bones as your Secret Valentine could have its advantages."

"How so?"

"Well… if you get him a good present, he'll be in a good mood for a while… imagine what I have in mind for Bones… and you'll have to deal with the aftermath…"

Christine frowned. She hadn't considered that, and the Captain had a very good point. He often gave Doctor McCoy presents that made him crabby for days… at least if she traded she could get him a good present and perhaps he would be less moody and stop insulting Commander Spock.

She would have loved to have Commander Spock as her Secret Valentine, but things didn't always work out the way she wanted them to. Uhura said that this was best because Commander Spock had his eye on someone special; she thought Nyota meant herself, but apparently there was another person who'd won the Commander's heart. She still had a crush on him, but she could be happy if this person valued Mister Spock.

For her, this celebration was just going to be an opportunity to get to know a fellow crewmember better; she understood that even when you loved someone with all your heart, it didn't mean that they would love you back. She was content with admiring the Commander from afar, and she wished him all the happiness she or Nyota couldn't give him.

Accepting this was one thing, but getting Doctor McCoy for the exchange was another. She wasn't entirely convinced that she would manage to get a good gift for the doctor, and he could be rather honest with his comments.

"So? What do you say, Christine?"

"As long as you promise that you aren't doing something bad to Sulu." She liked Sulu, he was a nice guy.

"You wound me, Christine. You know I wouldn't do anything to harm any crewmember." The Captain looked truly hurt.

"Even Doctor McCoy?" She smirked; she had witnessed the pranks between those two.

"All right, only Bones, but that's because he deserves it."

No argument from her. McCoy could be a real pain sometimes.

"Fine, I'll trade with you."

"Thank you, Christine! You're the best."

Hopefully the Captain would remember this next time he was on a bed, hurt and trying to get out of sickbay.

 

* * *

 

Spock was livid. Every time he left Jim alone, Doctor McCoy somehow managed to attach himself to him like an unwanted parasite. He had accepted that the Captain and the doctor were 'friends'. Although he was friends with Nyota and he did not spent his time harassing her like the doctor did Jim.

He needed advice on human behavior. Unfortunately, the only person he trusted with his thoughts was Nyota and she had said she was going to be occupied with Ensign Chekov. Spock knew he had to control his feelings better; this was something new for him. When he was with Nyota, he never felt this rage at seeing her with other males, not even when said males had romantic intentions towards her. He had thought it was because he trusted her… however, since he was having these unpleasant feelings with Jim, that could not be it.

Spock concluded that he never truly loved Nyota; he cared for her as a good friend, but he never felt the intensity he did every time he crossed paths with the Captain. It was somehow disconcerting. He was taught to suppress all strong emotions that could affect his judgment; in the teachings they did not explain what to do when said emotions overcame every barrier he had.

This gave him a different perspective on his parents' marriage.

He decided to meditate. Mister Sulu had been helpful in the research and he could handle being left alone in the science laboratory. When he arrived at his room he did not expect to see Nyota waiting outside.

"I thought I would find you here… eventually."

"I apologize; I was in the science laboratory working with Mister Sulu… I did tell you this, correct?"

"Yeah, but you were so upset that I thought it wouldn't take much time for you to come back to your room and 'meditate'." Nyota made the air quotes humans were so fond of when they wanted to make a sarcastic point.

"I was not upset," he said in a brusque tone; of course they both knew it was not entirely true.

"Sure, sure. Are you letting me in soon?" she said with a smile.

"Of course, please, come in." Spock opened the door to his room, watching Nyota pass through. She sat in front of his desk while he decided to sit at a prudent distance. "I thought you said that you were helping Ensign Chekov with his Japanese."

"Weirdest thing. Chekov said he didn't need my help after all, that he will use the translator… I told him that if he wants to learn Japanese, he has to do it with a linguist, but he said no. I think he's angry with me, he keeps shunning me and I could swear he had lunch in the botany lab just to avoid seeing me in the mess hall."

"Is there a reason why the Ensign should be angry with you?" Spock asked, curious. It was odd that Mister Chekov felt angry; he was a rational young man, even more rational than Jim sometimes.

"I don't remember if I did anything… but everyone is going crazy over this Secret Valentine thing… speaking of that, did you finally get Jim?"

"Yes."

"Great! Then we're both getting what we wanted."

Spock saw this as an opportunity to 'speak his mind' as humans said. He needed Nyota's advice on this situation, it was the first time he had experienced this dilemma and he was not sure of the correct way to proceed.

"Doctor McCoy loves Jim," he said bluntly.

Nyota seemed to be waiting for Spock to continue. When he said nothing else, she chuckled.

"Yes, I know Leonard loves Jim."

"You failed to tell me that I had an adversary," Spock said, and no, he did not sound childish.

"That's because you don't. Leonard is Jim's best friend, Spock. Like a brother… you know what's like, right?"

"My older half-brother taunted me into going to the desert; I almost died and my father banned him from our house," Spock said, deadpan.

"Okay, maybe you don't know then," Nyota smiled, "but you know there are different types of love. Leonard and Jim love each other, but they aren't in love."

"May I ask how you can be so sure? Doctor McCoy was holding Jim's hand during lunch; I thought that was a romantic gesture." Spock arched an eyebrow.

"When we were at the Academy I saw them kissing one time."

Was that supposed to make Spock feel better? Because it did exactly the opposite. He stared at Nyota, trying to look calm; obviously he failed since she laughed the way she did when Spock's emotional control snapped. It was curious how every time he lost control of his emotions, Jim was involved in some way.

"All I'm saying is that if those two were in love… well, they'd be together by now. They aren't. Jim is a physical person, Spock, you must have seen it; he's always touching Chekov or Sulu, and McCoy is his best friend. Obviously he knows when Jim needs physical touch."

He supposed that was a good point. The doctor seemed to touch Jim when he was tense or upset, and Jim was grateful for the comfort. Still, he did not like it because he preferred to be the one performing those actions… he could hardly blame Jim, though; he was not aware of his feelings, which was why he went to such lengths to get him as his Secret Valentine.

"Have you thought about the present?" Nyota asked.

"I have; I believe I need a more profound insight; I want this present to be significant."

"Well… I know someone who can help you with that."

"I beg you not to say that name…" Spock already knew who could help him with this. He dreaded the idea.

"Leonard McCoy." Nyota smirked. "He's the one who can help you give Jim the perfect gift."

 

* * *

 

The next day Jim was looking for Chekov to give him the good news, but he was nowhere in sight. It was strange, Chekov was always with Sulu but they both were absent from the mess hall. He sat down in front of Bones, taking one of his french fries.

"Hey!" Bones complained. "Get your own food."

"I'm not hungry; I was just craving your fries."

"So, Chapel gave me the good news, you got Sulu now and she has Uhura."

That's right, last Bones had heard about this, Jim still had Uhura's name. He just smiled, nodding; he wouldn't ruin the surprise.

"I'm doing it in the name of love, Bones."

"I doubt Uhura and Chapel agree with that."

"The problem is getting something for Spock; I don't want to be cheesy…"

"Too late."

"Shut up! He doesn't know I'm doing this to show him that I like him… I have to give him a present that says 'I care for you' but also says 'I'm not weird, I just really like you'."

"Considering the giver, I think that ship has sailed."

"What do you think I should give him, Bones?"

Jim saw his friend just staring at him, probably wondering 'are you serious?'

"Jim, do I look like I care about the hobgoblin at all? I'm not the right person to ask about this… maybe Uhura, she's the elf's ex and now his best friend."

"But that would be weird, right? Asking the ex about it."

"If you want to get Spock in your bed, you'll have to suck it up and ask."

Jim knew his friend was right. He had known Spock as a friend, he wanted to take the next step, and this was a great opportunity to show his intentions and let Spock see that he was serious about it. He always knew he would settle down when he found the right person, the person who was worth it, and Spock was the one. The way Jim discovered this wasn't exactly fun; but realization rarely was (at least, not for the ones getting stones thrown at their heads. The ones observing had a blast, Bones would have years worth of material from this).

Glancing to his right, Jim saw Chekov sitting at the most distant table in the mess hall, almost like he was hiding from someone.

"Have you noticed Chekov acting odd lately?" Jim asked.

"Jim, this morning Nurse Chapel asked me my favorite color then spent an hour and fifteen minutes talking about male clothes. If Chekov isn't wearing a dress, I think he's normal."

Jim smiled. Oh, Chapel… Bones hated it when people gave him clothes, he had to warn her… later; he had other business to attend first.

"Well, I have to go Bones; behave."

Jim stood up quickly and ducked a fry that was thrown in his direction. He walked to Chekov's table and put a hand on his shoulder. The kid jumped like he'd burned him or something.

"Captain!" he said. "You scared me!"

"I noticed that." Jim frowned. What the hell was wrong with Chekov? "I just wanted to tell you that I got Sulu for the exchange, in case you want to switch names."

"Really?" Chekov lit up immediately; even though Jim knew Chekov had a crush on Sulu, it was still cute seeing him this excited. He was the youngest member of the crew, and Jim thought of himself as Chekov's father. He would have to give Sulu the 'don't you dare hurt my kid' talk that Bones would eventually give Spock.

"Yeah, you can have Sulu and I'll take Spock."

"Thank you, Captain! You're the best!"

Jim smiled. He'd done his good deed for the day: he made Chekov happy. The fact that this was also for his own convenience didn't spoil the good deed.

"So, Chekov… have you seen Uhura?"

Weird… the moment Jim mentioned Uhura, Chekov blushed and his smile disappeared.

"W-why would I know where Miss Uhura is? I'm not keeping track of where she is to avoid her if that is what you mean!" Chekov was talking fast and when that happened Jim didn't really understand what he said.

"I'm looking for her, so…"

Chekov paled immediately.

"M-miss Uhura just entered the mess hall with Mister Spock. Excuse me, Captain."

Without giving Jim time to say anything else, Chekov fled the table and headed out walking really close the wall, almost like he was dodging someone. Jim glanced at Uhura and saw her and Spock in front of Bones. It seemed like his chat with her would have to wait; he'd be better prepared for it then.

 

* * *

 

Leonard was thinking about his pending charts when his attention was brought to Uhura and Spock standing in front of him.

"What?" he said, frowning.

"Hello Leonard," Uhura said with a big smile. "Spock wanted to speak with you."

Leonard looked at Spock with an eyebrow up; Spock looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here and when Uhura gave him a small push Leonard thought that perhaps the Lieutenant had forced him to come and talk to him; why Uhura would do that?

"I see you are not with the Captain," Spock said coldly.

"Contrary to common belief, Jim and I aren't joined at the hip," Leonard snorted. "He stole one of my fries and then went to talk to Chekov."

"Chekov is here?" Uhura turned around looking for the kid.

"Was, apparently." Leonard saw the empty table and Jim leaving the mess hall.

"Then I'll go look for him." Uhura smiled again. "I'll leave you two alone."

She winked at Spock and walked away from them. Leonard looked at Spock again. He was just standing there like an idiot, not doing anything at all.

"May I sit down?" he finally asked.

"I guess." Leonard was still wary about this. He and Spock didn't exactly get along.

Spock sat down slowly and stared at Leonard.

"So?" Leonard started the chat. "What do you want?"

"It has been brought to my attention that you are a reliable source about the Captain's personal preferences," Spock said dryly.

"You want to ask me something about Jim?" Leonard was surprised. The elf must really care for his friend to endure asking someone he loathed about him.

"Affirmative. As you are aware, I have the Captain as my recipient… I am taking this opportunity to make my intentions clear with him. I want to pursue a romantic relationship with him."

"Yeah, I figured that much. What's my involvement, then?"

"You… love the Captain."

"I do."

Spock lifted an eyebrow, like he wasn't really expecting a confirmation. Leonard remembered the articles he'd read about territorial Vulcans; Spock must think that he was interested in Jim romantically.

"But it's platonic," he clarified before someone got throttled.

"Lieutenant Uhura elucidated the personal relationship you two share. While I do not completely understand it, I have accepted this situation."

"Jeez, thanks. We were waiting for your approval."

"Nevertheless," Spock cut the rest of Leonard's speech, "I would appreciate if you keep your physical touch to a minimum."

"You mean I can't slap him on the butt anymore?" Leonard asked, feigning confusion.

"I would be grateful if you do not do that, yes," Spock said in a clipped tone.

"What about grabbing his torso? And raking his hair?"

"Doctor McCoy, I believe you understand what 'physical touch' convenes," Spock warned. Leonard was proud of the effect he was having on the Vulcan, but if he continued doing this Spock would kill him.

"All right, I get it; you don't like it when others touch your guy. But we are friends, Spock, we are going to touch from time to time."

"It is acceptable as long as you do not overstep your boundaries."

"Like when I grab his ass?" Leonard had to ask. He had little entertainment on this damn ship.

"Doctor McCoy…"

"Fine, the ass is yours. Anything else?"

"I… would appreciate it…. if you could assist me…." Spock looked like he was struggling internally. Putting the pieces together, Leonard knew what he wanted.

"You want to know what to give Jim, right?"

"Precisely."

"I'll help you because I want Jim to be happy, so you better be serious about this, Spock."

"I am certain of my feelings if that is what you mean. I love Jim."

Whoa! Love? Leonard thought Spock only wanted to hit that, maybe share a few things. He never imagined that the Vulcan had already fallen for his friend.

"Just because you said the right thing, I'll help you without making any sarcastic comments."

"We will see about that," Spock challenged.

It turned out that Spock was right. He didn't last fifteen minutes before he said something ironic. Well, it was the Vulcan's fault anyway.

Hikaru sighed, seeing Yeoman Rand talking with Nurse Chapel in the hallway. He knew he was acting like a child, just because Chekov was interested in Uhura didn't meant he had to trade names again just to avoid any awkwardness between them. It wasn't like Chekov actually knew he liked him, he could act like a friend and just give him a present as such. However, Hikaru doubted he could contain his sadness when he got to see Chekov being all cozy with Uhura. He wondered how Mister Spock felt about this development. He didn't seem to care if Uhura wanted Chekov, perhaps the Vulcan had moved on from his feelings and was happy for his friend.

And Hikaru should do the same if he wanted to be a good friend to Chekov.

"Keenser made me give him oil for two months, but I finally got him," Yeoman Rand said happily.

"Well, I'll have the worst Valentine's ever," Nurse Chapel complained.

"Oh, he's not that bad, Christine. Deep down he must be a softie."

"I'm not sure if I want to discover his soft side, Janice." Chapel shook her head. "Oh, Sulu… we didn't see you there."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to intrude… I wanted to see if I could talk with Yeoman Rand for a minute."

"I'm done anyway," Christine smiled. "She's all yours. You are helping me whether you like it or not, Janice. My room, we'll have dinner and you better bring your best ideas."

"Yeah, yeah," Yeoman Rand waved her hand as they watched Nurse Chapel walk away. "That woman acts more like Doctor McCoy with each passing day. What can I do for you, Sulu?"

"Uh… I wanted to see if you want to exchange names with me for the Secret Valentine." Hikaru felt a small pang in his chest.

"Sorry, can't do. I had to bribe Keenser so he'd give me the one I wanted. I won't trade him after I spent the last two days figuring out who had him," Rand said with sympathy.

"I see… at least someone is taking advantage of this day… Scotty is going to be a very happy man."

"Scotty?" Yeoman Rand frowned. "I don't like Scotty. Why do you people keep saying that?"

"He recited you a poem… right? That's what the other yeomen said."

"I was helping him! He was rehearsing for when he… okay, it's not my place to tell, but he isn't interested in me, nor am I in him. I've got my eyes on a very different type…"

"Oh…" Hikaru was curious. Rand and Scotty would have made a good couple.

"In fact, I think you can help me. I have Riley, and he's your age, right?"

"Riley? Isn't he a little young for you?" Hikaru put his hand on his mouth quickly; he didn't mean to sound rude, he was just surprised.

"Age is just a silly number. You should know, Chekov isn't even legal yet and you like him," she said, winking at him.

Was everyone aware of his crush on Chekov? This was going to be more embarrassing than he thought.

"T-that's not… he's just my friend!" Why did Hikaru sound so nervous about this? He was Chekov's friend; his feelings were irrelevant at this point.

"Relax, I don't care. I think you two look good together, you have my approval. Now, since I know you and Riley train together, could you do me a favor? Could you please investigate about what he would like for Valentine's Day?"

"I'm not really close to Riley…" It was true, he and Riley only trained, they didn't chat or anything.

"You're guys, I know you only talk about manly things, but I don't want to mess up this… please, Sulu?" Yeoman Rand used her best sad face. He couldn't say no to her anyway. The Captain was right; Rand was the most persuasive person on the ship.

"I'll see what I can do," Hikaru agreed.

"Excellent, thank you, Sulu!" Yeoman Rand beamed.

Hikaru groaned. He was helping everyone around him get the one they wanted, but he was the one who would be all alone on Valentine's Day; this sucked.

 

* * *

 

Scotty was cheerful about his plans for Valentine's Day. He'd recited his poem to Janice yesterday and she said he was ready to finally tell Nyota how he felt. The Captain was right, Keenser was the worst audience ever; at least Rand gave him some feedback about his performance and was helpful about the dinner.

As he sat down on the mess hall to have a quiet dinner (someone had given Keenser an entire can of oil. That was similar to alcohol for him, and the last thing Scotty needed was dealing with Keenser while he shouted that he loved everyone on the Enterprise) he noticed the yeomen table gossiping.

"Sulu is out of the betting pool," announced one of the yeomen… the brunette. Scotty wasn't too familiar with the yeomen; he only knew Rand and Millers.

"Oh, that's not fair. There's no out; what's the point of doing a betting pool if everyone is going to back out at the last moment?"

"Why do you think he wants to get out of the bet?"

"It looks like he thinks Nyota and Commander Spock aren't getting back together on Valentine's Day."

Scotty was about to bite into his sandwich when he heard this. What?

"That can't be, I'm sure they are going to get back together, perhaps even sooner."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw Nyota entering Commander Spock's room last night…"

"No! Really?"

"I'm sure. I saw her in the hallway and she told me she was waiting for Commander Spock. A few minutes later Commander Spock came and let her in. I'm telling you, it's love."

"Sulu isn't sure, he wants out."

"Well, he can't be out. He's going to win anyway, he'll be grateful."

Scotty stood up, leaving the mess hall without a second glance. He hadn't spent time in the mess hall to hear the latest gossip… and now he regretted that. There was even a betting pool, and from what he understood, Nyota and Mister Spock getting back together was a fact.

He'd never thought that while he was planning the most romantic declaration of love, Mister Spock could win back Nyota's heart.

 

* * *

 

Nyota was confused and, let's face it, angry as well. She'd just heard that Scotty had recited a poem to Janice yesterday and now all the crew thought Scotty was in love with her. She was looking for Janice and she had better have a damn good explanation for this; she knew Nyota liked Scotty and that she was making a move on Valentine's Day, how could she stab her in the back and take her man? Janice was her friend, surely it was a misunderstanding.

It had better be ,anyway; if Rand had decided she was attracted to Scotty after hearing Nyota list all the Scotsman's best qualities, she would not give up without a fight. She'd had Spock, which proved that she got what she wanted, and she loved Scotty; wait… love?

"Am I really in love with him?" Nyota asked herself out loud.

A small cry made Nyota turn around, and she noticed Sulu looking rather pale and shocked.

"Sulu! I didn't see you there… are you okay?"

"Lieutenant Uhura…" Sulu said, still in shock. "I couldn't help overhearing… are you in love with him?"

"You know who I meant?" Nyota frowned. She had only told Spock and the girls about her intentions with Scotty, how did Sulu find out about it? Oh, right, Janice; that back-stabber.

"I… I…" Sulu blushed. "It's good… he deserves to be loved."

Why did Sulu sound so pained?

"I know, he's the one of the finest guys I've ever met; noble and kind… and a little crazy."

Sulu smiled weakly, murmuring "I know", and Nyota finally understood why Sulu looked so defeated. He had the same face she had when she realized that Spock no longer loved her, if he ever had; he had the same look she had when she noticed Spock's devotion to Jim.

Sulu was in love with Scotty. Nyota felt terrible.

"I'm sorry Sulu…" She put her hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. "I know it must be hard for you…"

"You know?" Sulu looked at her sadly.

"I just figured it out. I wish I could give you some hope, but to be honest, I'll fight for him if I have to."

"You don't have to fight for him," Sulu said resignedly. "You already have him."

It broke Nyota's heart to know that she was hurting a friend; sometimes in love you lose everything.

"I'm sure you'll find someone else, Sulu. You deserve to be loved."

"I sure hope so," Sulu tried to smile. "I would hate to be the only single person aboard this ship; that would be awkward."

"Oh, don't worry, we can set you up on a blind date… how does Keenser sound?" she joked, trying to ease the tension.

"The point of a blind date is not knowing who the other person is," Sulu smirked, "and Keenser has a love-hate relationship with oil, I couldn't meddle."

"Oh, maybe if we cover you with oil, Keenser would reconsider." Nyota winked at Sulu.

"I think you will want the person I got for the exchange," Sulu sighed, apparently trying to change the subject.

"What?" Nyota was confused.

"Yes, I got…"

"Sulu, ready to train?"

Kevin Riley walked towards them with a big smile.

"Go ahead," Nyota smiled. "I'll catch up with you later."

Nyota left them, and as she was walking away she wondered what Sulu meant when he said she was interested in the person he got as a Secret Valentine. She already had Scotty; she was clueless about what he was implying. Well, she would probably find out about it later.

 

* * *

 

Jim was carefully watching the chat between Uhura and Sulu. At one point she put her hand on Sulu's arm in a reassuring way; could it be that Sulu was depressed or feeling down about something? Maybe he didn't get Chekov for the exchange; Jim should help him and find out who had Chekov and make them trade with Sulu… The party was two days away, he wouldn't have time to do anything. Sulu would have to settle for Chekov giving him a present.

He was still considering what the best way to approach the subject of Spock and the gift with Uhura was. _Uhura, you're smoking hot… can I nail your ex?_... No, too forward, and Uhura always got pissed when Jim said she was hot. _Uhura, do you believe in soul mates? I think I found mine… in you ex-boyfriend. I didn't plan it, I swear, it just happened… so… can you give me tips on how to woo him?_... No, that wouldn't work either, Bones forbade the use of the word 'woo'. _Uhura, I want to hit that_ … No, she could misinterpret and think he meant her instead of Spock. _Uhura… I love Spock… how about you tell me what I need to do to get him in my bed?_ That sounded a little bit better, in comparison to the others. _Uhura, I would like to…_

"Good evening, Jim."

"Wahhhhh!" Jim turned around with a jump, seeing Spock standing right behind him. On any other occasion, that would give Jim a thrill. Now it was scary. "Spock! I've told you not to do that!"

"You requested that I called you by your given name, Captain," Spock said deadpan.

"Not that; the appearing thing! You know it freaks me out when you emerge from who the hells knows where and act like it's something normal." Jim tried to keep his voice low; he was spying on Uhura, he didn't need her to see him shouting at her ex-boyfriend.

"I have been standing next to you for two minutes and thirty five seconds… I would have thought you realized I was here since you did not oppose my presence."

"Whatever, next time just tell me you're here and I won't yell like a girl."

"You did not yell like a young female, Jim; I can assure you, your reaction was normal and does not cast doubt on your strong sense of self-preservation that Doctor McCoy sometimes seems fond of mocking."

"Are you telling me that I'm still manly even when I yelled?" Jim frowned. That was really sweet in a Spock-ish way.

"Affirmative. May I ask why you are observing Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu talking in the hallway?"

"Oh… well…" Jim turned his attention back to the pair; they were laughing. "I want to talk to Uhura but she's always busy. Maybe I should ambush her in her room or something. At least there I can trap her enough to…" Jim noticed the small glare sent in his direction. "Ahm… not that I'll ambush her; I know it's against the rules."

That didn't make the glare any less… intimidating. Jim knew he had a big mouth. For a moment he forgot he was talking to Spock and he was about to spill all his evil plans.

"Why do you want to talk to the Lieutenant? Do you need assistance? I am probably more qualified than the Lieutenant in whatever task or difficulty you are faced with."

This was weird; Spock was talking with that clipped tone he only used when Bones was making fun of him.

"I know Spock, you're awesome, however I think only Uhura can assist me in this 'task' … wait, she's walking away… I gotta go! See you around, Spock!"

Jim touched Spock's arm playfully before walking away quickly, passing next to Riley and Sulu as they walked in the opposite direction. Jim was so focused on rushing after Uhura that he missed Spock saying "I deduce that this means you will not be available for chess tonight?"

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was distracted. Uhura was in love with Chekov, Chekov was in love with Uhura… and he was somehow out of the equation. Even though he was friends with Chekov, it was obvious that as soon as he realized that Uhura wanted a relationship with him, Hikaru would be left out. He knew what it was like to be the third wheel. He hated it, in fact. He refused to be the third wheel again, maybe he should consider dating Keenser… Physical attraction wasn't everything, even though he loved Chekov's curls and blue eyes and…

"Offff." Hikaru fell after receiving a strong punch to the stomach.

"I'm sorry!" Riley ran to Hikaru, worried. "I thought you would dodge, we've done this tons of times, Sulu."

"I was distracted," he said, wheezing.

"Are you okay?"

"I need to rest for a little while." Hikaru rubbed his stomach. That was a good punch.

"Do you want me to take you to Doctor McCoy?" Riley knelt next to Hikaru.

"No, no. I'm fine, just give me a minute."

"All right. You seem distracted… is everything okay?"

Hikaru saw as an opportunity to see what Riley wanted for a present; he'd promised Rand, and he could use the distraction.

"Riley, what would you like to get from your Secret Valentine?"

Riley frowned, like he was confused.

"Why?"

"Well… I don't know, it's a romantic date… maybe you can get something nice… from someone nice." Hikaru smiled, knowing he had made little sense. He was out of breath, he'd been punched in the stomach, hard, and above all he had an unrequited love. It was understandable that he wasn't thinking clearly.

"Uhm…" Riley suddenly went wide-eyed. "Ahm… I have to go, Sulu. Do you want me to take you to Sickbay?"

"Nah, I'm fine. But we haven't really trained that much. I promise I won't let you go that easily next time." Hikaru maintained the smile while Riley blushed; odd.

"Ah… eh… okay… I should go."

Before Sulu could say anything else, Riley got up quickly and bolted from the training room. This Secret Valentine was making everyone crazier by the minute.

 

* * *

 

Spock meditated for a large portion of the night and then slept his required five hours. He got up, dressed in the mandatory attire and walked out of his room. He had come to the conclusion that he needed answers to his unsolved queries, and the only reliable source was…

"What?" Doctor McCoy opened his door angrily, looking rather untidy.

"Good morning, Doctor McCoy… I hope I did not disturb you."

"Spock, it's 6 a.m.! What the hell are you thinking?"

"Vulcans require less sleep than humans," he explained before McCoy got obnoxious.

"I'm human, you damn hobgoblin! I need my beauty sleep!" McCoy bit out. Apparently it was too late to prevent the unpleasantness.

"I do not see how sleep would improve your physical appearance," Spock said neutrally.

"What do you want?" McCoy glared.

"I was wondering if I could ask you something."

"You woke me up at 6 a.m. to 'ask me something'? This better be good."

Since McCoy did not open the door and just stood there, watching Spock, he tilted his head.

"Well?" McCoy said after a prolonged silence.

"It is a personal matter."

"This concerns Jim, then." McCoy yawned. "Fine, come in, but I don't want to hear a peep from you about my room, is that clear?"

"I just suggested sanitary methods when you let me in last time. It was to improve your quality of life; you could trip over one of your disregarded clothes and break your neck. You are a doctor, I am sure you have heard about domestic accidents that could be prevented by maintaining an organized room." McCoy may be dreadful, but Spock did not wish for the doctor to be harmed... now. His thoughts about that subject before he came to understand the nature of Jim and McCoy's friendship were a different subject.

"I said not a peep." McCoy opened the door and Spock had to contain himself from saying something. McCoy had not done anything to improve this chaos, if anything he was even messier than Spock remembered. "Sit."

"I prefer to stand, thank you." Spock took a deep breath. Talking with McCoy was never easy.

"Fine then." McCoy lay down on the bed, looking at Spock with bored contemplation. "What's up?"

He had to do it; he had meditated about this subject and concluded that this was the best course of action. Glancing at McCoy, who was scratching his stomach and yawing, Spock wondered if for the first time his conclusions were wrong.

"If you aren't talking, then get out. I can still sleep for a few hours," McCoy rushed him.

"Jim felt sexual attraction for Lieutenant Uhura, correct?" Spock asked bluntly.

"Yes, he wanted to sleep with her, so what?"

"I was wondering if that could be still the case."

McCoy stared at Spock with disbelief.

"You think Jim wants to sleep with Uhura?" McCoy frowned. "Did he say something to you?"

"He did not; however I have noticed Jim observing the Lieutenant quite often. Humans present this behavior when they are sexually attracted to other humans."

"Well… yes and no. Sure, if we see something we like, we stare; that doesn't mean we want to sleep with them. Besides, if that's your logic, then Jim would want to sleep with half the crew. He's the Captain, a little observing is expected."

"I suppose you have a somewhat logical point. Although if Jim felt sexual desire for the Lieutenant, it is understandable that he still holds that craving since they spend a great portion of their time together."

"He also shares 'a great portion of his time' with you." McCoy did the air quotes. "Maybe he wants to have sex with you as well."

"'As well' implies that he still desires the Lieutenant." Spock lifted an eyebrow. McCoy was trying to bait him; he knew he should not take his comments seriously.

"Look Spock, Jim doesn't like Uhura that way, okay? It's too damn early to be discussing our Captain's sex life; if what you want to hear is that he's in love with you… I can't tell you that, but I know that he's interested in you in a more personal way."

"How so?" Spock was interested. This could be what he needed for his declaration.

"I don't gossip…" Spock raised his eyebrow again. "… about my friend. And you're the one planning the big proposal."

"It would help if I knew that Jim was not interested in another person romantically."

"He's not."

"Are you certain?"

"No, Spock, he is actually in love with someone else; I just want you to be annoying and wake me up at 6 a.m.; it's so damn fun that I couldn't bear to miss it."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"You have two seconds to get out or I'll throw the first thing I can reach at you."

"I assume that you are…"

Spock ducked an undershirt and took the cue. He left McCoy's room feeling less confused; he concluded that McCoy was not a morning person.

 

* * *

 

Pavel entered the mess hall knowing that Miss Uhura wouldn't be there. He had seen her and the Captain chatting in the recreation room; they seemed very invested in their talk, he could probably eat his breakfast without worrying about running into her.

Avoiding the Lieutenant was an exhausting task. She was chasing him and he was running out of places to hide. He had no idea he was this attractive to Miss Uhura; then again, girls hit on him all the time at the Academy.

Seeing Sulu, Pavel walked over to his table and smiled. He would get Sulu to at least kiss him on Valentine's Day or he would curse the entire ship; they all had fun with him since he was the youngest member, now it was time for him to get what he wanted. This couldn't fail, Sulu was interested, he could tell. The way he blushed when Pavel was near… and he made sure to be near Sulu as often as possible; too bad Sulu was the oblivious type.

"Hi, Sulu," Chekov greeted. "Can I have breakfast with you?"

Sulu looked up and smiled as well. Pavel often thought that the Enterprise was like high school.

"You don't have to ask, Chekov," Sulu said. "We share meals when we have the chance, right?"

"Right."

Pavel sat down, observing Sulu carefully. He seemed a little bit distant and Chekov wondered if he'd done something wrong. When Sulu picked up his spoon, he winced.

"Are you okay?" Pavel asked, worried.

"Yeah, sure. I just…" Sulu glanced at Pavel. "It's nothing."

Now Pavel was sure something was wrong. Sulu was clearly angry with him, but he was clueless about what he did to cause this; the last thing he wanted was Sulu angry… Well, maybe after they started dating it wouldn't be so bad. Pavel shook his head; it wasn't time to think about what he wanted when he and Sulu got to the physical stage of their relationship. He had to find out what was wrong with Sulu at the moment.

Before Pavel could say anything, Nurse Chapel came and stood next to Sulu with a frown. She was accompanied by Riley.

"Sulu, you better explain why the hell you didn't go to Sickbay yesterday." Nurse Chapel glared at Sulu, putting her hands on her waist.

"Ah…" Sulu stuttered.

"Sorry, Sulu," Riley looked apologetic. "I just wanted to see if you were okay, I had no idea you didn't go to Sickbay."

"Are you sick?" Pavel glanced at Sulu.

"No, I'm fine, really," Sulu tried to convince him, yet he winced again.

"You're not fine!" Nurse Chapel got closer to Sulu. "Or do you think this is 'fine'?"

Nurse Chapel lifted Sulu's shirt, showing a big black bruise on his stomach. Pavel scowled at Riley. He was never careful when he trained with Sulu and Pavel hated it when he left marks on Sulu's body. He was the only one entitled to leave any kind of marks on Sulu, and let's face it, the way he planned on doing would be much more satisfactory.

"I didn't know it was this bad, Sulu," Riley said, surprised. "You should have said something."

"You kind of bolted yesterday." Sulu moaned when Nurse Chapel touched his stomach. "And it didn't hurt at the time anyway."

"How many times do I have to tell you two that sometimes adrenaline doesn't allow the body feel pain?" Nurse Chapel sighed. "Honestly, you guys are unbelievable. We have enough trouble with Captain Kirk and his careless behavior without adding you to the mix."

"I'm fine," Sulu kept complaining.

"You are not," said Pavel and Nurse Chapel at the same time.

"Sickbay, Sulu. And if you don't show up in ten minutes, I'll tell Doctor McCoy about it and you know what he's like. Do we need another 'flu vaccine extravaganza' around here, huh?"

That was nasty. McCoy had chased every member of the crew to give them a flu shot and it was amazing how the medical staff had managed to get all the crew injected no matter where they were. Chekov had received his shot when he was leaving his room. Doctor M'Benga was stronger than he looked.

"I'm going, I'm going," Sulu caved. He had received his shot when he was bathing in the training room's showers. McCoy was truly devoted to his profession.

"I expect you there," Nurse Chapel warned. She turned around and walked away from the mess hall.

"I'll help you," Pavel offered. If Doctor McCoy drugged Sulu up perhaps he could find out why he was angry.

"That's okay, Chekov," Sulu smiled but Pavel could see he didn't really mean it. "Riley can help me; it's his fault, after all."

"You didn't dodge!" Riley complained. "All right, I'll help you, let's go"

As Riley took Sulu's waist gently, Pavel frowned. Sulu had gotten all red and he was avoiding Pavel's eyes. What was that about? Pavel couldn't be wrong, Sulu was attracted to him, he would swear it; although Sulu did spend his week nights with Riley, 'training'. Could it be that Sulu wasn't as innocent as Pavel had thought and that he was having some fun with Riley while he was thinking of taking it slow with him?

Riley wasn't competition for Pavel, he could easily show Sulu why he was better than the Lieutenant. For starters, he was Russian and, well… that should be enough. Seeing Sulu in Riley's arms was disconcerting, though. Maybe Sulu was interested in Riley now, but Pavel wouldn't stand there and do nothing about it. He had Sulu as his Secret Valentine. His move would have to be way more forward than he'd thought. When he was done with Sulu he wouldn't remember about Riley at all.

 

* * *

 

Jim sat down in front of Uhura as she organized a chess set.

"Hi, gorgeous," Jim said with a smile.

"Okay, what do you want?" Uhura looked at him oddly.

"Oh, don't be like that. I come in peace."

"All right… what do you want?"

"Fine, fine… I want your help."

"Is there a file you need me to translate?" Uhura asked promptly, and Jim felt proud. He had the best crew ever.

"No, it's not work-related. It's more… personal-related."

Uhura put the chess piece she was holding on the table and focused on Jim; that made him feel nervous.

"Either McCoy wasn't available for this… or you want to talk about Spock," she tried to guess. "Since McCoy is always available for you, then it must be about Spock."

"Sometimes I hate that you're this smart," Jim grumbled. "Yes, it's about Spock… if it's too awkward, tell me and I'll leave."

"Why? You want to talk about sex? Because we never got to that stage in our relationship."

Jim gaped at Uhura with shock. He was afraid of asking her about the present and she brought up sex as something normal. This woman was amazing. If Jim wasn't so in love with Spock, Scotty would totally have some competition. He got why his Chief of Engineer was so smitten with her.

"I… eh… I…" Jim said, still shocked. "I love Spock."

Uhura narrowed her eyes, like she was trying to see if Jim was lying.

"Oh my God," she said, putting a hand on her mouth. "You really love Spock!"

"Wait… you believe me?" Jim frowned. Uhura always doubted everything he said.

"You wouldn't lie about loving Spock, and you're blushing like a teenage girl." Uhura nodded.

"Awesome, thanks," Jim bit out. Bones had said this too… maybe it was true.

"Still, I assume you want to sleep with Spock, right? I can't help you with that," Uhura said calmly. "Ears are sensitive, that's all I know. And you know about Vulcan kisses, I don't think I have any more information about Spock that could interest you."

Yeah, Jim knew all about Vulcan kisses and he had found out in the most uncomfortable way he could imagine. Uhura was still with Spock when Jim took the Vulcan's hand to draw his attention back to him. When Uhura glared at him, hard, he let go without knowing what he had done. It took several lectures from Spock about 'personal space and cultural behavior' to finally understand that he had kissed Spock. Well, the Vulcan hadn't complained; it wasn't entirely Jim's fault.

"You never had sex?" Jim frowned. He was sure they at least had a little action aboard the Enterprise, everyone said so.

"No, the rumors started one time when he was giving me a massage… and it's private. We never slept together, so I'm not sure what I could help you with."

“Well, you'll be glad to know that I want your help in wooing Spock.” Jim smiled widely.

Uhura lifted her eyebrow. Right, the word was corny.

“You want to ‘woo’ Spock,” Uhura said mockingly. “I thought you didn't know the meaning of that word.”

“Hey, I happen to read a lot of romance novels, even when Bones says those are gay. Anyway, look Uhura, I know you don't like me much, but I really don't want to screw this up with Spock. Have you ever felt like you were just walking around with no sense of direction? I was like that, until Spock came around. He's my _compass_ … even though he has no idea; I don't want to lose him. So I'm asking you to help me, you're Spock's friend, I want him to be happy, and I know you want that as well. I know that maybe he isn't interested in me, but I have to try, Uhura… so what do you say?”

Uhura looked at Jim with surprise.

“You didn't have to become a woman to get Spock, Jim.” Uhura smirked. “But because I can see your devotion, I'll hardly say anything about it. I'll help you, although trust me, you are already halfway there.”

“What do you mean?” Jim frowned.

“Nothing. Okay, I'm going to share something with you…”

As Jim listened to what Uhura was saying, he knew this was her way of giving Jim her blessing to woo Spock. Screw Bones, woo was a great term, and it made Uhura help him. He was wooing the hell out of Spock, and nobody was standing in his way anymore.

 

* * *

 

Riley was grateful for Doctor McCoy's medical skills, he really was… but now that he was dragging a completely drugged up Sulu, he thought the doctor could have at least let Sulu rest in Sickbay instead of making Riley take him to his own room to sleep the rest of the day. Riley was a team-player, but Sulu was acting weird and he didn't swing that way… not that there was anything wrong with that, it just was not Riley's thing. He loved women, he was pretty sure he wasn't even bisexual. And Sulu giggling like a high school girl in his arms wasn't something he was enjoying.

“We're almost there, Sulu, hang on.” Riley tried to distract Sulu from blowing air in his ear. What the hell was the guy doing anyway? Trying to seduce him?

“Okay.” Sulu giggled again. “Riley, I know they say drugs are bad… but they really aren't… they make you happy! Something that makes you happy can't be bad, right?”

“I just hope you don't remember anything,” Riley muttered. “Crap, I forgot to ask McCoy for your code…”

“I can give you my _secret_ code… you want to know my secret code, Riley? We have been training for months, I should call you Kevin… Kevin… Keviiiiinnnnnnn…”

“That's my name, don't wear it out.” Riley tried to joke to see if Sulu dropped his annoying behavior.

“You can call me Hikaru… say it, Riley…. Say Hikaru.”

“Hikaru,” Riley repeated deadpan. _D_ _ammit_ , he thought afterwards.

“See? It wasn't that hard, and now I'll call you Kevin, and you can call me Hikaru, and we can be best friends in the whole world!” Sulu moved suddenly, almost making Riley drop him.

“I thought Chekov was your best friend in the whole world,” Riley pointed out. He probably shouldn't indulge Sulu's delusions.

“No,” Sulu pouted. “Chekov isn't my friend anymore, I need a new friend… you want to be my friend, Kevin?” Sulu fluttered his eyelashes in what Riley assumed was supposed to be a persuasive way.

“Um… sure, why not?” Riley wanted to just put Sulu on his bed and get the hell out.

“Yay! New best friend!” Sulu hugged Riley. “I like you Riley, you're a great guy! Tell me, what do you want from your secret Valentine?”

“Again with that? Whatever thing you want to give me is fine, Sulu,” Riley sighed. He decided to just play along with Sulu's comments, the drugs were doing the talking right now and he shouldn't feel awkward.

“Don't be silly!” Sulu said, pouting again. “You're not my secret Valentine!”

“What?” Riley frowned. Then why the hell was he asking?

“Nooooo… I have another secret Valentine… but I don't want him… hey, you think Keenser will go out with me?” Sulu giggled again. “I can give him oil!”

“All right, I think you really should sleep… can you punch your code, Sulu?”

“I think my hand is gone, Riley… oh, God, I can't feel my arm, I'm losing body parts! Something is eating my arms!”

“It's just the meds, Sulu.” No luck in getting the code from Sulu, then. Riley tried to reach his communicator, but Sulu kept touching his hand thinking it was his own while Riley was batting it away.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Riley froze in place. Pavel Chekov was walking towards them, and he looked royally pissed.

 

* * *

 

Jim couldn't believe what he just heard after he talked with Uhura. He was walking happily through the hallway, planning his gift, when he noticed the Yeomen chatting, probably the morning gossip. He didn't expect to hear all about Spock's visit to Bones' room. What the hell? Was Bones trying to get his man? Bones wasn't even gay, why Spock was visiting him? This should be clarified, Jim should be rational, he could manage that. He rocked that, just ask Spock, he could be the most rational guy aboard, not even the Vulcan had complaints about Jim's behavior so far, he could do it.

“You fucker!” Jim said as soon as he entered Sickbay. Okay, maybe he needed to fix a few details on the whole rational thing.

“And good morning to you as well.” Bones glared at him.

“Chapel, out,” Jim ordered snappishly. “… please,” he added less rudely, noticing the glare Chapel sent in his direction.

Chapel ignored Jim and turned to Bones.

“Go ahead Chapel, our Captain needs a gynecological exam; maybe his estrogen levels are wacky again,” Bones smirked.

Jim didn't mind. He needed to clarify a few things with Bones and if that made Chapel leave, he wasn't saying anything to prevent it.

“Yes Doctor McCoy.” Chapel frowned as she walked away from Sickbay, sending Jim an intimidating look, almost like ‘if you fuck with him and he's angry when I return to work, your blood will be on the walls’. Jim couldn't really blame Chapel, Bones angry was… an acquired taste.

Once Bones saw Chapel out the door, he closed it and activated the security lock.

“All right, what the hell is your problem Jim? I warn you, this is the last time I let you talk to me that way in front of my staff. I don't care if you're the Captain, I'm the CMO and I can get creative when you piss me off.” Bones crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at Jim again.

Okay, point. Jim shouldn't have talked to Bones like that, it was true. But he was stealing Spock! Jim had every right to be mad, Bones was his best friend, the code forbade him to make any moves on someone his friend was already interested in. Spock was his, dammit! He was there first, Uhura left him months ago, Spock was fair game and Jim had done everything except piss on him to make it clear that he was interested.

“Sorry,” Jim apologized, “but you deserved it! Why was Spock in your room at 6 am, huh?”

“Oh, it's about that…” Bones mused, finally understanding Jim's anger.

“Yes, it's about that, asshole! You knew Spock was mine, I told you that, I asked your advice and you mocked me endlessly! It's a dick move to steal my man, Bones,” Jim pouted. It was the best he could do at this point.

“First,” Bones sighed, “do you listen yourself when you talk, or do you just let shit come out of your mouth?”

“Hey! It's a…”

“Shut the hell up!” Bones demanded. “It's my turn. Let's put aside the fact that I'm ‘straight as an arrow’ as you colorfully put it when you tried to put your dick up my ass that time you were drunk and horny and I sedated you for two days; even if we don't count that, and by some miracle I would say ‘okay, I'm trying the gay lifestyle, it seems like loads of fun’, why in seven hells I would be hitting on Spock? I hate the guy, I have better taste than _him_ and the only way we ever actually get along is when we are opposing you. And imagine I got a concussion and then Spock somehow becomes… more tolerable for me. Even so, I still wouldn't do anything. You're my friend, and I know better. You backed off when I was interested in someone, and with your pathological libido, I would say that was a challenge…”

“It really was,” Jim cringed. Bones had fine taste in women, it was hard to step aside and let his friend have that girl they both wanted.

“… then for me, straight and anti-Vulcan, it shouldn't be a problem to stay away,” Bones spat. “What the hell, Jim? We're supposed to be friends.”

“I know.” Jim felt ashamed. Jealousy was something he had a hard time controlling. He was the possessive type, he hated it when others wanted what he had. He blamed his mother, it was so rare when she gave him any attention, that when she actually took any notice of his presence, he clung to that like crazy. “It's just… I heard that Spock went to your room, and that you let him in even when you said last time that he was banned from it… and I'm an insecure bastard… sorry Bones.”

“Come on, kid.” Bones punched him on the arm, lightly. His friend knew he was being awfully honest, he had seen the insecure side of Jim. “It was just ship business, he forbade me from injecting the science lab with the vaccine until they ‘consented’. I don't care, I'm vaccinating them when they least expect it, and the Vulcan can kiss my ass… you know, metaphorically speaking.”

“Oh.” Jim felt like an idiot. Why was he acting like a teenager? Of course Bones wouldn't put the moves on Spock, the guy was straight and hated Spock. His rational side always took a vacation when it was something Spock-related.

“Yeah, _oh._ ” Bones lifted an eyebrow. “You know better than hearing gossip, asswipe.”

“I really like Spock, Bones,” Jim said as a justification. His friend wasn't buying it, he knew, but still… it was true.

“And that makes it okay when you act like a jerk?” Bones spat. “Keep it together, Jim, I'm not interested in the elf, but jealousy is dangerous. What if someone else is as fucked up as you and thinks Spock is nice? You can't go around insulting people, the Vulcan isn't yours.”

“Yet,” Jim muttered.

“What?”

“He isn't mine _yet,_ ” Jim clarified.

“Oh God.” Bones pinched the bridge of his nose. “You fell for him hard. Dammit, I knew those bangs on the head would come and bite me on the ass later. I shouldn't have let you get drunk so many times.”

“You don't choose who you love,” Jim smiled weakly.

“That's no excuse for bad taste,” Bones grumbled. “Since you already chased away my staff, want to grab lunch? You can keep up your girly talk about the hobgoblin if you want to.”

“Sure, I have the perfect gift for him.” Jim felt better after hearing Bones confirm that he was an idiot. He should consider his friend's words; he was right, he had to keep his jealousy in check. Just not now. He was close to getting Spock, he wouldn't let anything ruin it.

“Are you planning on putting a bow on your dick? That's not a real gift, you know,” Bones mocked.

“You just didn't appreciate my creativity, and that wasn't meant for you, I was waiting for Gaila,” Jim huffed.

“Whatever, I'm just saying that you better take things slow with the elf. It's your first love, hurrying things could be tricky.”

That was another thing to consider. Spock was his first real love interest, he was willing to do anything for him; maybe he should start slow and see how things developed. Declaring his intentions to woo him on Valentine's Day, and then roses, candy and those romantic clichés he'd read… and instead of making Jim cringe, the prospect of doing this for Spock actually made his stomach flutter with excitement. He _was_ becoming a woman, dammit.

 

* * *

 

Pavel smiled widely when he let Sulu lie down on his bed. Riley had practically thrown Sulu into Pavel's arms after he quickly explained that he was medicated, and bolted, fearing Chekov's rage. Well, he was pretty angry, Riley had no right to grope Sulu, and the way Sulu giggled… it made Pavel sick. Good thing Riley was a smart guy, and he knew that as Sulu's best friend, Pavel knew his security code (well, he kind of saw it on Sulu's medical file, but it still counted!).

“Just take it easy, Sulu.” Pavel patted his friend's head. “You'll be fine.”

“Thanks, Kevin,” Sulu murmured, making Pavel's blood boil again. _Kevin?_ Did he call Riley by his first name? What the hell? When had those two become such good friends?

“I'm Chekov,” the Russian hissed.

“No, Chekov is with Uhura,” Sulu mumbled with his eyes closed.

“I assure you, I'm here, Sulu.” Pavel knew he shouldn't take this personally, Sulu was drugged.

“Don't be silly Kevin,” Sulu giggled, “you don't need to pretend to be Pavel, you're my new best friend already!”

WHAT? Pavel's rage was back, and he wanted blood for this. He tried to pry more from Sulu, but he was already asleep. So the only reliable source of information at this point was Riley. Sighing, Pavel let his hand travel down Sulu's torso, lifting his shirt gently. That big bruise was still there, why hadn't McCoy gotten rid of it? He touched it tenderly, thinking of how the minute he got into Sulu's pants, he was making it clear he was the only one marking any part of his body.

“Mmmm,” Sulu moaned. “Kevin, that's nice…”

Pavel retrieved his hand quickly, feeling hurt and betrayed. So _Kevin_ had gotten touchy with Sulu, huh? Well, now he had a few things to answer to. He left Sulu's room in a rush, looking for Riley. He had liked Sulu for a long time, and he was Russian, that meant he would get Sulu and put Riley in his place.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Riley!”

Kevin turned around, seeing Yeoman Rand in front of him.

“Hello, Miss Rand,” Kevin smiled.

“I've told you, Riley, call me Janice. You make me feel old.”

“I'm sorry, Janice, force of habit.” Kevin kept smiling. He liked Rand, she was funny and attractive, any guy would be lucky to be with her.

“So Riley, I want to ask you a strange question… are you seeing anyone?”

“What? Why? Is the crew gossiping? Because I'm not interested in Sulu! I'm not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't like men that way. I mean, I do like Sulu, but as a friend, nothing more, strictly platonic, I respect it if he's gay, and he's attractive, I'm sure he will find someone eventually, but I'm not that person…”

Kevin stopped for air, noticing the frown on Rand's face.

“What are you talking about, Riley? We know you aren't gay. I mean, you keep staring at my breasts, we all assume you're straight.”

Kevin blushed. He thought he had been discreet.

“Sorry,” he apologized quickly, still blushing.

“Don't be, I'm flattered.” Rand smiled. “Besides, Sulu is interested in Chekov, honey. You aren't exactly his type.”

“That's what I thought, and I admit they make a good couple, but Sulu kept asking me about Valentine's gifts, and he was distracted around me… it was confusing.”

Rand looked like she finally understood what was happening, which was nice because Riley had no idea what the hell was going on here.

“Maybe Sulu just was doing a favor to your secret Valentine.” Rand nodded. “He's a nice friend.”

“Why would my secret Valentine ask Sulu to ask me about the gift?” Kevin was puzzled.

“Well, to get you something nice without revealing themselves,” explained Rand. “It makes sense, right?”

“I suppose.” Kevin wasn't sure if it made sense, but it could work for him as long as Sulu wasn't interested in him that way.

“Yeah, now Riley, tell me, have you considered the possibility of dating someone older than you?”

Kevin looked at Rand with curiosity. It really hadn't crossed on his mind to date someone older, or younger for that matter. He was just happy being single; however, he had to admit he had been single for a while, maybe it was time to start dating again.

“Why do you ask?” Kevin decided to get information from Rand.

“Let's say an older woman is interested… would you go out with her?”

“Well, I…”

“Riley!”

Kevin and Rand were startled by the anger in Chekov's voice as he approached them.

“Can I talk with you?” Chekov said quickly when he was standing next to them.

“Um…” Kevin didn't want to be on the receiving end of Chekov's wrath.

“We are kind of busy here, Chekov,” Rand intervened, sounding angry as well.

“It will take only a moment, I need to clarify a few things with him.”

“Let me help you with that,” Rand said. “He is straight and he is not interested in Sulu.”

“But I think it's great that Sulu is gay, I mean, diversity and all that… go gays!” Kevin said quickly.

Rand and Chekov looked at Kevin with wide eyes.

“So, you aren't interested in Sulu?” Chekov asked.

“No, I think he's awesome, but I don't like him that way.”

“Oh… all right then.”

Chekov walked away like nothing had happened. The kid was really weird.

“Riley?” Rand caught Kevin's attention again. “Would you go out with her?”

“I don't know… it would depend on the person. I mean, Scotty is very lucky to have you as his Secret Valentine and all, but…”

“Wait, what? Scotty isn't my secret Valentine, why do you think that?”

“It's just… everyone talked about how he recited you a poem and declared his love…”

“I was just helping him! Great, does everyone think I'm with Scotty?”

“Pretty much, yeah…”

“Oh, oh… Nyota hasn't heard this, right?”

“Um… well, she was in the mess hall when the comments were thrown, I think she overheard…”

“Dammit! I have to find her! For the record, I'm not with Scotty and I'm not interested in him, okay?”

“Okay.”

As he saw Rand disappearing down the hall, Kevin wondered why she clarified that. Oh, well, he had better things to do, like find a present for Yeoman Miller. She was a nice lady… and older than him… crap, what if Rand was asking about it because she wanted to see if Riley was interested in Miller? She was a nice lady, but not exactly Kevin's type. He wasn't sure if this was better than the whole Sulu fiasco or not.

 

* * *

 

Scotty looked at his neatly wrapped gift. He had struggled to get this right, and now he would give it to the woman he loved just to see her wear it for someone else. He had nothing against Commander Spock. He was a fun guy, pretending to be all formal and correct, but he already had the Captain drooling all over him. Did he have to take all the good catches around the Enterprise? At this rate, before long the only eligible bachelor left would be Keenser.

And Scotty was seriously considering this as a good option.

Maybe he could just give Nyota some other gift. Something he made; after all, he had been making things for her since he started falling for the woman. It would be less humiliating if he gave her one of those things instead of the beautiful necklace he bought thinking of the bright smile she would show when she saw it. Besides, if he gave her the necklace, Mister Spock wouldn't be too happy about it, and adding a pissed off Vulcan to his already messed up predicament was the last thing Scotty needed.

The Vulcan sure was lucky; Nyota _and_ the Captain. Scotty only wished for that kind of thing to happen to him. He was getting depressed; maybe it was best to bail on the party. He could spend his night upgrading the Enterprise. At least she was faithful to him.

His train of thought had gone to a really weird place. But hey, he was feeling miserable, if he wanted to be weird, he had the right. He was alone, and miserable, and he would probably marry Keenser and have a bunch of hairy midget kids; being weird was the least of his problems right now.

“Scotty?”

He turned his head so fast that he hit his forehead on one of the tubes hanging from his beautiful console. Ouch.

“Are you okay?”

Scotty blinked. He was hallucinating; he thought he was seeing Nyota gently touching his forehead. Stupid subconscious, making him see the things he couldn't have.

“I'm fine,” he answered shortly. “A little busy here, so, can I help you with something?” He had no idea of who really was in front of him, but he didn't care.

“That bump doesn't look good.” The non-Nyota person kept talking. “Maybe I should take you to Sickbay.”

Hmm… being sedated by the good doctor didn't sound that bad. He could ask to stay like that for a few years, and wake up ten years in the future, still alone and miserable.

Yeah, that wasn't a great plan either.

“I'm fine,” he repeated. “I've had worse bumps. One time Captain Pike called me ‘unicorn-Scotty’ for a month when I got a huge swelling on my forehead. It lasted a while and people found it amusing to draw faces on it.”

He had no idea why he was babbling about this kind of thing. Seeing Nyota, even when it wasn't really her, made him feel comfortable enough to say whatever popped into his head. The non-Nyota chuckled lightly. God, this person even sounded like her when they laughed. Scotty must be so in love that he could hear, see and even smell Nyota in anyone.

That could make the whole marrying to Keenser idea easier, if he kept this trait.

“Okay then,” the non-Nyota said. “Scotty… can I ask you a question?”

Before Scotty could answer, he heard someone else entering the Transporter room.

“Scotty! Code red! Nyota –” Scotty saw Rand stop in the middle of her sentence, with wide eyes. “Never mind.”

“No, please Rand, finish whatever you were going to say.” The non-Nyota stood up, and Scotty did as well. Rand was going red. What the hell was going on?

“I wasn't going to say anything,” Rand said nervously. “I better leave you two alone.”

“No, stay,” the non-Nyota ordered in the same snappish tone she had when she was annoyed. God, that must have been some blow. Scotty shook his head to see if Nyota disappeared. No, she was still there; this worked in movies, why wasn't it working here?

Although if he was hallucinating Nyota, shouldn't he being seeing Rand as Nyota as well? And Rand looked… well, like Rand.

“Por favor, señorito?” Scotty said to test the waters.

“Señorita,” the non-Nyota corrected. Then she was really Nyota! She had been giving Scotty Spanish lessons so he could order tequila properly (he didn't even remember asking her for lessons that drunken night but she hadn’t let him back out of it). He had been stuck on that sentence for a month already.

“Nyota?” Scotty asked, just to verify.

“Of course,” Nyota scoffed. “Are you having problems with your sight?” she asked, getting worried. He loved how she much cared, probably only _as a friend_.

“No, I… I better refrain from explaining what I thought,” Scotty shrugged. “What are you doing here?”

“First I want to know what Rand is doing here.” Nyota turned back her attention to Rand. “Well?”

“I… um… I…”

Rand was blushing and stammering like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. What was going on here? Scotty felt like he was caught in the middle of something big. He'd better try to blend with the background to avoid attracting attention.

“I told you in confidence, and you went behind my back like this?” Nyota glared at Rand.

“Maybe I should leave you two alone,” Scotty said, sounding a lot like Rand a few moments ago.

“No, you stay right there where you are.” Nyota turned her glare on him now.

“Yes, ma’am.” Scotty stood still. He knew he was whipped. If Nyota asked him to jump into space naked, he would do it without a second thought. He hoped that sounded more romantic than pathetic.

“It's a misunderstanding, Nyota,” Rand said, starting to explain whatever problem they were having.

“Right, I heard the same version of the story from ten different people, how is that a misunderstanding? There's even a video, Rand! Or did you forget security cams, huh?”

“It was completely innocent, you know I want Riley!” Rand started raising her voice. “And besides those don't have sound, they can lead to total misinterpretations, like in this case.”

“All right.” Nyota sounded calmer, which made Scotty feel a little more at ease with this.

Nyota turned her attention back to Scotty, which evaporated all traces of the ease he'd been feeling seconds ago. Without saying a word, she came closer to him; he backed up until he hit the console, and Nyota kept walking towards him with that predatory look. What? What was she going to do with him? She couldn't kill him, right? Rand was right there! He didn't even remember doing anything bad to Nyota. Why would she want his blood?

Worst of all, Scotty would give her anything, so he wouldn't be stopping her anytime soon. Love was a disease, he was sure of it.

Nyota grabbed him by his collar, and pulled him… directly to her lips. As he recovered from the shock, he started kissing back, feeling like he was in Heaven. Maybe he was dead and this was his last experience before going to whatever place dead people go after kicking the can. He had died a happy man, then; he wished this moment would be endless, wished he could freeze right here and stay like this forever.

The kiss ended as abruptly as it began. Nyota let loose her iron grip on his shirt, and smiled shyly. Okay, not a dream and not an after-death hallucination. Scotty licked his lips, still swollen from the forceful kiss, and he couldn't help it.

He fainted.

 

* * *

 

Jim was trying to think of the best way to approach Spock tonight without sounding too emotional (or moronic, as Bones delicately put it). He wanted to be perfect, it isn't every day that you declare your love to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It was kind of nerve-wrecking for him as well: James Kirk, hopeless bachelor, tying the knot. A lot of people would be disappointed.

Okay, now wasn't really the time for an ego boost. He had to think what to do; he had big expectations about this event. It crossed his mind that Spock wouldn't be interested in him. After all, he had dated Uhura, and she and Jim couldn't be more different. He had his methods to convince the Vulcan, though. He wasn't the quitting type, some people found it endearing.

He hoped Spock was among them.

Maybe if he started casually, but with a flirty tone…

“Looking good, Commander.” Jim winked at the imaginary Spock in front of him.

“Thank you, Captain, you are not appalling to the sight either.”

“Wahh!” Jim turned around quickly, seeing Spock standing behind him with an eyebrow lifted. “Spock! What – where – why –?”

“It would be helpful if you could form a coherent sentence, Captain,” Spock deadpanned.

Jim hated how nervous he got when Spock surprised him like this. Besides being the sneakiest person he had ever known, Spock was also the hottest. Bad combination.

“I'm thinking of giving you a bell to wear around that pretty neck of yours,” Jim murmured low enough to prevent the Vulcan from hearing. After months of having Spock hearing everything since he had those Vulcan perks, Jim had found the exact decibel level at which Spock couldn't hear anything. Unfortunately, it was so low that Jim could be better of just thinking instead of saying it. Still, it was fun sometimes; it unnerved Spock and he looked cute all flustered over being left out.

“If you are done mumbling,” Spock said curtly (oh, yes, he looked really hot now, frustrated and annoyed), “may I ask why are you standing in the hallway?”

“I was just…” Thinking about how to get you into my bed? No, it was not the time to get flirty. His communicator started buzzing. Saved by the bell.

“Kirk here.”

“Jimmy!” Uh oh.

“Gary? How in seven hells did you manage to get through to my personal communicator?”

“You usual secretary wasn't available, and the nice replacement patched me through really quick when I said I was Captain of the USS Archimedes and I needed a word urgently.”

Jim noticed Spock going rigid next to him. He didn't like Gary, and since he'd just insulted Uhura and abused his rank for personal benefit, he probably wanted to throttle the guy.

“Wonderful,” Jim bit out.

“We need a word, anyway. After what I did for you, the least you can do is –”

“I'll call you back!” Jim cut the communication without giving Gary a chance to ruin his plan. Spock was staring at him, doing that blank thing he did with his eyes where he was looking at you but not actually seeing you, just plotting murder.

“That Gary,” Jim said with a laugh, trying to ease the tension. “He still doesn't get that we Captains shouldn't be so unprofessional. Maybe I should make that clear and chastise him for it. Gotta go.”

Jim fled to his room to give Gary a piece of his mind. That idiot almost ruined his surprise! Sure, he'd helped with getting Spock's gift, but there was no need to broadcast it. Although to be fair, Gary didn't know Spock was standing next to Jim; whatever, he needed to vent to someone, and Gary had just volunteered.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, one more time, Uhura… Why is Scotty unconscious?” McCoy looked at Nyota with amusement.

“You heard me the first time, McCoy,” Nyota spat.

“It's just so funny! This will be the joke of the month on poker night.”

“You better not use this against him, or Christine will have to get your scanner removed from your colon,” Nyota threatened with her best intimidate glare.

“Fine, fine,” McCoy conceded. “You sure are aggressive, no wonder Scotty's in love with you… oh, crap!” McCoy pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Nyota stopped the death-glare to gape at McCoy. Did he just say Scotty loved her?

“Forget I said anything!” McCoy said quickly. “I didn't sleep well last night, I probably confused Scotty with someone else!”

“Yeah? Like who?” Christine, bless her soul, meddled.

“Don't you have a patient to see to, Chapel?” McCoy stared angrily at her.

“Sulu is still sleeping; you sure gave him a lot of painkillers.”

“He was the idiot who didn't come here after he got injured.”

“Scotty is in love with me?” Nyota returned to the subject she was interested in.

“No, what makes you say that?” McCoy asked, stammering.

“You, actually. Don't worry, now it makes more sense that he fainted.” Nyota smirked. Her boyfriend was so cute; she couldn't wait until he got up so she could kiss him again.

“Does that mean I'm off the hook?” Rand said timidly. She'd been dragged to Sickbay as well to clarify this mess.

“Yeah, sorry…” Nyota gave her an apologetic look. “I should have known you would never do that.”

“I get it, just… Don't make him faint again, he hit his head hard last time.” Rand winked.

“I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything,” Nyota smiled.

“I hate this day,” McCoy said. “All the corniness is even worse than the oblivious people.”

“Doctor McCoy.” Spock entered Sickbay in a rush. He looked angry. “A word?”

“I take that back, I hate the obliviousness more,” McCoy sighed, walking resignedly out of Sickbay to follow Spock.

Since Scotty was stirring, regaining consciousness, Nyota had no time to wonder what the hell Spock needed with McCoy.

 

* * *

 

“Now what?” Leonard asked curtly. He'd had enough of people coming to him, like he cared about their problems. He hated Valentine's Day, he hated romance, he hated everything do to with love. He must have done something horrible in his past life if now he had to live on this ship with all these people who were in love and being idiots about it.

“Jim received a call from Gary Mitchell.”

Uh oh. Spock hated Mitchell, mostly because he always flirted with Jim.

“So?” Leonard decided to pretend it wasn't a big deal. It actually wasn't, but for the Vulcan, who couldn't even stand it when Leonard touched Jim, Gary must be… bad.

“I am not pleased about that relationship. The Captain could be distracted from the Enterprise and also –”

“You don't have to convince me, hobgoblin, I actually agree with you on this. Gary is a pest. But he's Jim's friend, and if you want to be with Jim, you'll have to accept his social circle.”

“I thought that I would only have to tolerate you,” Spock mused, probably ignoring how rude that was. Or maybe he did know, he just didn't care.

“Yeah, tough luck,” Leonard said. “Jim isn't the smartest when it comes to people.”

“Clearly,” Spock said, looking at Leonard.

“Hey, who do you prefer? Mitchell or me?”

“I concede your point. If may I ask, Doctor McCoy… does Jim feel anything beyond friendship for Mister Mitchell?”

So this was what had got the Vulcan all worked up. He was jealous. He and Jim were a match made in heaven, they both were jealous idiots.

“They slept together once.” Leonard decided to be honest; if the Vulcan found out he'd lied, he could get even more annoying… and also, it was just too damn amusing.

“I see.” Spock clenched his fists; time to ease the blow.

“But Jim was only in his second year at the Academy, and he was a slut. He slept with whoever was available.”

“I cannot help but notice you used the past tense in your argument.”

“He hasn't slept with anyone since he got the ship. Are we done with this gossip?”

“You have been of assistance to my predicament, doctor,” Spock said in a less annoyed tone. “Have a good day.”

Spock headed for the opposite side of the hall, while Leonard shook his head. Obviously he had become the ‘go to’ guy when the hobgoblin got insecure or curious about Jim. Hopefully when those two finally started something, he'd refrain from using Leonard as a source of information/gossip column. When he entered his Sickbay and saw Uhura making out with Scotty on one of his beds, he cursed.

Stupid Valentine's Day.

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was ready to beg for Captain Kirk to transfer him to another ship, far away from the Enterprise. He couldn't believe what he did, talking to Riley like that. He thought that one of the side effects of meds was not remembering how stupid you acted. But Hikaru had vivid memories of touching Riley and getting all cozy with him, asking him to call him ‘Hikaru’, while he kept saying ‘Kevin’ like a madman. Things were fuzzy after they'd entered his room. He remembered Riley putting him on the bed ... and touching him very gently.

That couldn't be. Everyone on the Enterprise knew Riley was straight; the guy kept staring at Yeoman Rand whenever he had a chance. Then why had he touched Hikaru like that?

Unless Riley was questioning his sexuality… that would explain why he'd touched him and volunteered to take Hikaru to his room. If that was the case, maybe he and Riley could help each other out.

Hikaru could see if he could get over Chekov and Riley could see if he was gay or bisexual or whatever label he wanted to use.

Nah, it was stupid. Riley, handsome as he was, wasn't nearly as attractive as Chekov. Hikaru had a weakness for blue eyes and curls; Riley didn't fit the image.

“How are you feeling, Sulu?”

Speak of the devil. Chekov walked straight up to Hikaru.

“Better, thank you.” Hikaru was still sour about Chekov being with Uhura, so he didn't want to spend too much time with him. What was the logical thing to do when your feelings weren't reciprocated? Step back and protect yourself from being hurt even more. He needed to put some distance between him and Chekov, at least until he got his head around him and Uhura together, and it stopped feeling like someone was stabbing him in the heart.

“Are you sure? You don't look good,” Chekov persisted, sounding like he actually cared.

“Yeah. Have you seen Riley?” Hikaru asked to change the subject.

Chekov tensed immediately and glared at Hikaru. What? What did he say?

“He was in the mess hall,” Chekov answered brusquely. “What do you want with him?”

Chekov sounded like Hikaru had some explaining to do; almost like he'd done something wrong. He was a big boy, he didn't need to explain himself. Also, he didn't want to tell Chekov about the incident with Riley. Deep down, he wondered if Chekov would get jealous knowing that Riley had been a little intimate with him, but that was stupid. Chekov was straight and with Uhura, why would he care who touched Hikaru?

How depressing. Nobody gave a damn about him, except perhaps Riley.

“I need to talk to him.” Hikaru settled for that. “I'll see you at the party.”

Without giving Chekov a chance to answer, he walked away. When he got to the mess hall, Riley was gone. Great, he would have to ask for an explanation at the party. This was going to be memorable.

 

* * *

 

The mess hall looked nice and romantic. Everyone was arriving in their uniforms; even though it was a party, they were members of Starfleet and they should act like it. Christine was smiling, she and Rand had the best taste on the entire ship. Decorating the place, selecting the food and music and dealing with the secret Valentine the Captain suggested hadn't been easy. Everyone had taken this as an opportunity to reveal their feelings, and even though Christine couldn't blame them, it had given her headaches the entire time. When it wasn't the Captain exchanging names, it was Scotty being too shy, or Hikaru being too careless, or even McCoy being too… well, too McCoy.

The Captain said that instead of exchanging gifts in front of everyone as in the original plan, everyone should approach their secret Valentine to give their gift and a few words, in a more personal way. He justified his decision by saying there was “no need to embarrass Bones”. McCoy just glared, but Christine knew he was relieved he didn't have to give his present in front of everyone's curious eyes. She was grateful as well; having McCoy as her secret Valentine had been tough, and giving him the present in front of the rest of the crew could lead to misunderstandings. People knew she'd had a crush on Commander Spock, but they also knew she'd gotten over it quickly after seeing how devoted Mister Spock was to Captain Kirk.

She couldn't compete with him, he'd already stolen the Vulcan's heart.

Christine had high hopes about this party. She wasn't worried about Nyota and Scotty, she knew they were together since she'd seen them in Sickbay; but Sulu and Chekov had been acting weird, Captain Kirk was talking to himself around the hallways (scaring all the yeomen who crossed paths with him) and Mister Spock kept visiting McCoy at odd times. She hoped everyone got their issues worked out and just let the romance settle.

The ship would explode from sexual tension otherwise.

Scotty and Nyota arrived together; she was wearing that beautiful necklace Scotty bought for her.

“I thought the whole point of the exchange was waiting for the party,” Christine pointed out when they came closer to her.

“I couldn't wait, I let it slip,” Scotty explained.

“And besides, who needs a secret exchange anyway?” Nyota scoffed. “It was more romantic our way.”

“I'm sure,” Christine smiled. Scotty looked like he was on cloud nine, and Nyota was beaming with happiness. Those two were perfect.

After chatting a few minutes, Christine noticed Hikaru entering the room, looking for someone.

“Hey, there's Sulu.” She elbowed Nyota.

“Oh, good!” Nyota smiled. “Come, Scotty.”

“I'm not sure about this, lass,” Scotty said, frowning. “I'll do anything you ask me to, but this seems… extreme.”

“Please, Scotty,” Nyota said. “I know it won't mean anything to you, but we could make Hikaru happy, at least for a moment.”

“Fine,” Scotty caved.

“What are you two planning?” Christine asked.

“You'll see.”

Nyota took Scotty's hand, leading him over to Sulu. Christine saw Chekov come in behind Hikaru, who was still standing near the entrance. Oh, this was going to be good.

 

* * *

 

Hikaru was depressed. Why he had agreed to come? After a long argument with himself, he'd lost. He was here, with a gift for someone who didn't love him, watching couples getting romantic.

The only thing worse than being rejected on Valentine's Day was being around happy couples rubbing their cheerfulness in your face.

Hikaru saw Uhura and Scotty approaching him. They were holding hands… that was weird.

“Hi, Hikaru,” Uhura said.

“Hello.” Hikaru frowned. She was acting very cozy with Scotty, considering that she was Chekov's girlfriend.

“Lad,” Scotty greeted.

“Okay, what are you…?”

“Let me say something first,” Scotty interrupted. “Lad, I've been where you are. It sucks not having your feelings reciprocated. You're a fine man, any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Was everyone aware of Hikaru's sexual preference? And why was Scotty giving him a pep talk? Maybe Uhura asked him to do it, but why?

“Thank you?” Hikaru didn't know what else to say.

“So, lad, you know I don't swing that way, but… happy Valentine's Day.”

Hikaru didn't have time to ask what the hell he meant by that before the Scotsman's lips landed on him. Scotty was kissing him! Right on the lips! He was shocked beyond belief; he couldn't move or do anything to stop the kiss.

He didn't need to, either, since Scotty was pulled from him rather harshly.

Chekov was astonished to see Scotty kissing Hikaru. Was there some strange pollen that was making every straight guy on the ship gay? First Riley, and now Scotty. Since Sulu didn't seem too keen on doing anything to stop Scotty, he had to step in. He had to let them know that Sulu was his.

“What the hell are you doing?” Chekov asked angrily when he managed to pull Scotty off Hikaru.

“I have no idea,” Scotty shrugged. “Nyota?”

“I was trying to help Sulu. Why are you so angry, Chekov?” Miss Uhura frowned.

“He was shoving his tongue down Sulu's throat! I had to step in!” Chekov said, not sure if that made sense to anyone but him.

“Hey, there was no tongue,” Scotty defended himself. “I was very careful to avoid that.”

“I saw a tongue.” Chekov glared at Scotty.

“Maybe it was your own,” Uhura said, still frowning.

“Stop, all of you!” Sulu finally decided to speak.

“What the hell is going on here?” Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy approached them.

“He kissed me!” Hikaru started to freak out.

“With tongue,” added Chekov, to prove how bad this was.

“He was trying to be nice!” Uhura defended.

“There was no tongue,” Scotty maintained his point.

“Sulu, Yeoman Miller said you were looking for me, what's up?” Riley thought that was the best moment to interrupt. Chekov glared at him.

“Children, children.” Captain Kirk tried to calm everyone. “Could someone explain what's wrong?”

“The stupid exchange is making everyone crazy,” McCoy said.

“Is that true? The secret Valentine is making all of you fight?”

Captain Kirk sounded so sad that they all just froze and tried to come up with something to fix this.

“I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding, Captain,” Hikaru said. “Nothing we can't solve by talking about it.”

“Yeah, it was a great idea,” Uhura smiled. “Scotty and I couldn't be more grateful.”

Scotty and her? Chekov turned to look at Scotty, and saw that he had his hand entwined with Uhura's. But she said she was interested in someone with an exotic accent and…! It clicked right there. She never meant him, she meant Scotty. Chekov got it all wrong.

Now all those avoidance tactics he'd used during the past week seemed like a waste of effort. He even ate lunch in a bathroom once! He could have avoided all this if he had talked with Miss Uhura instead of just assuming things.

Still, that didn't explain why Scotty kissed Sulu. And he was waiting for that part.

“I see you two are finally together then.” Captain Kirk smiled. “Take care of her, Scotty, she's my best linguist.”

“I'll do my best, Captain,” Scotty said solemnly.

“Then no problem here, right?” McCoy asked with a small hint of hope.

They all shook their heads.

“Good. Come, Bones.”

“I'm not your dog,” McCoy complained, but followed the Captain anyway.

After they watched Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy walk away, the others shared a look… and started arguing again.

Hikaru was baffled. Uhura had just admitted she was with Scotty. ‘ _WITH SCOTTY!_ ’, his mind screamed. Either she'd been toying with Chekov's feelings, or this was a big misunderstanding. And he still wanted to know why Scotty kissed him, if he was with Uhura.

“I just wanted to give you something nice, Hikaru,” Uhura started explaining. “You love Scotty and I asked him to kiss you as a goodbye… maybe it was stupid.”

“What? What are you talking about? I'm not in love with Scotty!”

“You aren't?”

“No!” Hikaru squeaked. Oh, this was so wrong.

“But you were all sad when I said I loved him, and when I told you that I'd fight for him you looked so defeated…”

“Because I thought you were talking about Chekov!” Hikaru cried, feeling the blush rise to his cheeks.

“What? Chekov? He's a kid, for God's sake!”

“I'm almost eighteen!” Chekov defended himself since everyone had conveniently forgotten he was standing there.

“I kissed a guy for nothing?” Scotty frowned. “I must say there's a first time for everything. Come, Nyota, I think you have done enough.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry… I got it all wrong Sulu… but… isn't Scotty an amazing kisser?”

Before Hikaru could answer, Scotty grabbed Uhura by the shoulders and led her away from them. Hikaru looked at Chekov, still blushing. Now he knew he was a creep, and he was probably heartbroken after seeing Uhura with Scotty.

Hey, at least they were in the same boat.

“Any chance you didn't hear that?” Hikaru joked, smiling sadly.

“No.” Chekov smiled. “So… you love me?”

“It's not as creepy as it sounds, I promise… I just… you… yeah, I'm in love with you. I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“Well, I'm not sure… for loving you, I guess? I mean, I know you love Uhura and all, but I…”

“I don't love Uhura. I love my secret Valentine.” Chekov smiled brightly.

“Oh.” Hikaru should have been glad to find out Chekov didn't love Uhura, but finding out he loved someone else was even worse. At least he knew Chekov didn't have a shot with Uhura.

“Do you want to know who my secret Valentine is?”

“Um…” Hikaru thought of saying no, running away and hiding in Keenser's room. Nobody ever went there, he would be alone to lick his wounds.

“He's handsome, has dark hair and loves botany,” Chekov continued.

“Andrews? He isn't even a good botanist! He keeps confusing trees and he…!” Hikaru noticed he sounded like a jealous creep. “I mean, he's a good choice.” _If you like idiots_ , he thought bitterly.

To his surprise, Chekov started laughing really loudly, like he had just told a joke.

“God, you really are oblivious, Hikaru.” Chekov chuckled. “Come here.”

And just like that, Chekov kissed him. Then it hit Hikaru… He was the handsome botanist with dark hair!

This was the best Valentine's Day ever.

 

* * *

 

Kevin was really uncomfortable, watching Sulu and Chekov kiss.

“I think they forgot you were here, Riley,” Yeoman Rand said, coming to stand next to him.

“Yeah, I see that. Do you think Sulu needs something urgent? He was looking for me.”

“Oh, honey, I think whatever thing he needed, he just got it.” Rand smiled.

“It seems like it. I'm happy for them, they make a good couple.”

“Yeah, a really hot couple,” Rand smirked.

Kevin never understood why women were so fixated on gay relationships. Every yeoman paired up guys around the Enterprise, including Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy.

“So, Riley… I heard you like model airplanes, right?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” Kevin frowned. He and Rand barely spoke to each other, how could she know his hobby?

“I have my sources. You're my secret Valentine, Riley.”

What? Rand? Then Sulu… oh, that was why he was asking about the gift, Sulu was doing Rand a favor. And just when Kevin was thinking he projected a gay vibe he wasn't aware of. Good thing it wasn't like that, then, he hated rejecting people.

“Great!” Kevin smiled. He liked Rand, she was a fun woman. “Do you want to exchange gifts now? I mean, I didn't get you, but I could…”

“It's fine,” Rand interrupted. “As long as you like my gift, I don't care who your recipient is.”

“All right, I'm sure I'll love it.”

“Let's see about that.”

Kevin expected a wrapped gift, but as Rand got closer, she didn't seem to have anything on her. Rand took Riley's face gently and closed the distance between them by kissing him, hard.

“This is my gift,” Rand said as she stepped back. Kevin was still moving his lips, wanting more. Damn, this woman sure knew how to kiss. “I couldn't think of anything better than this, and I want you. So if you're interested, I'm going to be with Christine all night. Feel free to interrupt whenever you want and dance with me.”

Rand started walking away, and finally Kevin snapped out of the nice buzz he had been feeling after the kiss. He almost tripped himself trying to stop Rand, and grabbed her by the waist, kissing her again.

He should probably start calling her Janice now.

 

* * *

 

Spock was looking for Jim, but he was nowhere in sight. He approached Doctor McCoy, preparing himself for the annoying comments he would have to listen to. McCoy hated this event as much as he did. However, for Spock this was an opportunity to let Jim know about his feelings, while for McCoy was just an excuse to be dreadful.

“Doctor McCoy,” Spock greeted. “Interesting scarf.”

“Chapel gave it to me,” McCoy said drily. “That woman probably wants me to hang myself with it.”

“I am sure Nurse Chapel gave careful thought to the gift,” Spock said, trying to avoid any mentioning Chapel's ‘feelings’ for him. It was unnerving. “Have you seen the Captain?”

“Yeah, he told me to tell you he's waiting for you on Observation Deck 2.”

“Oh?” Spock lifted an eyebrow. Why would Jim want to see him there?

“And this is the last time I act as a mailman.”

Spock left the mess hall before McCoy started another tirade about how he was not a messenger boy. He was intrigued; apparently Jim had something on his mind. He expected it to be something positive; nevertheless, a small part of him feared he would be rejected.

Jim paced nervously around the Observation deck. Bones wasn't too thrilled about helping to get Spock there, but he was his friend and he knew he would do it anyway. It was taking too long, though.

“Jim?”

Jim turned around, seeing Spock entering the Observation deck with a cautious look on his face.

“Hi Spock! Welcome!” Jim said with a big smile.

“Thank you.” Spock raised an eyebrow. “I have been on the observation deck before, Captain.”

“Jim, Spock, we're off-duty,” Jim chastised. He hated when Spock kept the formal tone, but in this case he understood; Spock must be freaking out of being requested here.

“I apologize. Jim.” Spock corrected.

“Well, I thought… the mess hall is all loud and people will be drunk and acting ‘illogical’, and you hate watching drunk people, right?”

“I admit it is not amusing for me as it is for you.”

“I know,” Jim smirked, “so I decided to take you to a nice dinner here… you know, to avoid any discomfort.”

Spock looked at the table which was carefully set, thank you very much. Jim had spent all afternoon making this perfect.

“An excellent idea,” Spock finally said.

They both sat down, and Jim started talking about the Enterprise and random things. He was too anxious to bring the subject up. Spock didn't seem to notice his unease as he kept talking about nothing.

_Okay Jim, Don't be a girl. Just do it_ ; Jim's mind ordered. It was time, he had to do it now, or else he would chicken out again and wait for next year. He wasn't sure he could wait _another_ year to get Spock. He'd hardly made it this far.

“Spock,” Jim said, taking a deep breath. “We are friends, right?”

“Of course,” Spock answered quickly. “Have I done anything to cause you to reconsider our personal acquaintance?”

“Well, yes and no.” Jim decided to be honest.

“I beg your pardon?” Spock stared at Jim.

“We are friends, but recently… well, not recently, I have been struggling with this for a while…”

“Are you unwell, Jim?” Spock asked, worried. “Is something bothering you?”

“Here!” Jim grabbed the present that was hidden under the table. “I'm your secret Valentine.”

“Indeed?” Spock looked surprised, taking the small package.

“Yeah… I hope you like it!”

Spock started opening the present as slowly as he could, wearing on Jim's nerves.

“Here, let me help you.” Jim took the package and unwrapped it. How hard was that, dammit?

“This is a book.” Spock arched an eyebrow.

“How observant,” Jim joked, mostly so he could feel a little less nervous about this situation.

“I meant… this book was my mother's favorite… how did you know about it?” Spock sounded genuinely curious.

“I asked around. So… you like it? I know that the one she gave you was lost when the whole Nero disaster happened… I thought of giving you something you thought was lost,” Jim said quickly. He sounded so cheesy, he wanted to say more, but Spock was staring at the book as if it glowed. “I'm sorry, maybe it wasn't the best gift, I could take it back if you want.”

“No!” Spock said forcefully, taking the book in his hands “It is a very… significant gift for me, I am grateful for your thoughtfulness. You also are my ‘secret Valentine’.”

“What?” Jim gaped. This must be destiny! A good omen for Jim to continue with his plan. Of course, he'd fought to get Spock's name, but whatever, it still worked and they both ended up giving each other presents.

“I expect to fulfill your expectations about the gift as well.” Spock took a small box from his pocket. Oh, God! Was Spock going to propose? Wait, he couldn't do that, he didn't even know about Jim's feelings.

But damn, it felt good imagining himself married to Spock in the future.

“Okay, a little small… are you giving me air from Resa 4 like you did with Bones for Christmas?” Jim smiled.

“That was a ‘gag gift’, as you described it. And if I recall correctly, it was your idea in the first place,” Spock said defensively.

“Yeah, I know, it's just… Bones' face was priceless. Mmm…” Jim opened the box, expecting something like jewellery. He gaped when he saw what the box contained.

“It can't be!” Jim took out the small chess piece; the Queen, to be more specific. It was made completely of crystal, like the one… “This is exactly the same as the piece my father used to propose to my mother! I always wanted one after hearing the story! How…” Now Jim understood why Spock had been spending so much time with Bones lately. He was asking about his present. God, this just made him love the Vulcan even more.

“It's perfect,” Jim said, trying to avoid a sob.

“I am glad to hear you say that. I chose this particular present for a reason, Jim.” Spock took Jim's hand gently, which made him blush. Spock was kissing him! Or something like that, he never knew what that contact really meant for Vulcans. “I am aware of the meaning of this gift. I know it would be too much to ask for a commitment before we have started an exclusive relationship. However, I was aiming for a future promise, perhaps? If our relationship evolves naturally, in the future we could consider a potential union between us.”

Spock kept stroking Jim's hand while he spoke, but Jim noticed the faint blush on his cheeks. It was good knowing he wasn't the only one nervous around here.

“Mister Spock… Are you asking me to take our relationship to the next level?” Jim asked, in his best flirtatious tone.

“If you are not opposed to such thing, I believe I am,” Spock said. He knew that Jim's tone was playful, and meant something positive.

“You know? I was supposed to declare my love first, Spock.” Jim pouted. “I planned this dinner and everything.”

“Is the order of who declared their love first important?” Spock came closer to Jim.

“I guess not. Still, I had a speech and everything! I even made a list of fifty reasons why you should date me.”

“Oh?” Spock looked amused.

“Yeah… Number one, I'm smart. Number two, I'm handsome and have good genes for future kids…”

“You are aware that neither of us can carry an infant, correct?”

“Yes, well, small detail, I have the genes anyway! Number three, I am pro vegetarianism and I would even compromise by stopping eating so much meat for you. Number four, I knit; number five…”

Before Jim could continue with his list, Spock kissed him. Even if he did it to shut Jim up, at the moment he didn't care. It wasn't the declaration he had planned, he didn't say the speech or try to convince Spock how good he was for him. He was just himself, and apparently, that was enough.

 

* * *

 

Spock saw Nyota having lunch with Mister Scott. He was glad she had also managed to get what she most desired.

“May I sit with you?” he asked.

“Sure thing, Commander,” Mister Scott said happily. “I leave you in good hands, then. I have to go to the engineering room; Keenser got drunk on oil yesterday and made a mess.”

“I thought you had banned the substance from Mister Keenser,” Spock observed.

“He managed to obtain, like, five cans. Don't worry, Commander, everything is under control.”

Scotty gave Nyota a chaste kiss before walking away.

“He can handle it, Spock,” Nyota said.

“I know Mister Scott's abilities; I am sure he will manage just fine.” Spock looked at Nyota. “I wanted to thank you.”

“Why?”

“You advised Jim about my present for the exchange. And it was perfect.”

“I knew you would like it! So? Tell me everything! Are you two dating or what?”

“‘Or what’ would be correct.” Spock blinked.

“Ha, ha,” Nyota snorted. She was the only one besides Jim who got it when Spock joked. “It looks like everyone's wishes came true yesterday.”

Spock saw Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov sharing lunch. Even though they didn't look too different, he noticed a sense of intimacy between them. They were making fun of Lieutenant Riley, who looked tired and had a purple spot on his neck.

“Rand is a beast in bed, honestly,” Nyota chuckled.

As long as it didn't interfere with their jobs, Spock didn't care about their personal situation. He would be a hypocrite if he chastised them for having personal relationships when he was currently involved with Jim.

Leonard was walking to the mess hall when he felt someone hugging him tightly.

“Spock knows you're getting all cozy with another guy?” he asked.

“He knows you're safe,” Jim smirked. “Thank you, Bones.”

“What for?”

“Telling Spock about the chess piece… I knew you had your heart somewhere inside you.”

“Then you and the hobgoblin are official now? Good, maybe that means you'll stop being a girl.”

“Shut up! Come, let's have lunch.”

Leonard and Jim sat with Uhura and Spock. Yes, the entire ship had become a love fest, and Leonard was trapped there for the next four years.

 

* * *

 

The next year, during Spock and Jim's wedding, McCoy knew they all plotted to get him alone with Chapel at the table. Like that was going to work.

“I hate weddings,” they both said at the same time.

Well… maybe it could work after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I just joined this amazing place, so I apologize if the story is a little off-date. This fic was betaed by the amazing and wonderful Anbessette.


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